I realised how much this world can change.
Maybe the physical state. And also what we do to it.
Even 1 person can do so much to change something.
Even if its just a small hole in the road.
Everyone else will avoid that hole.
See how much it implicates on everyone?

1st you said Yes. Than you said No.
Than you asked me to do it.
Than the next thing you piss me off by asking me to just ignore it and leave
my problems to "professionals"
Ya okay good Great.
The next thing you ask me to do it again.
And than after you ask me to things your way.
So what the hell am i supposed to do then?

Fine maybe i opinion does not count.
But what the hell.
I do not wish to influence the lives of others.
Or get others into the same crappy problems that i get myself into.
I dont really need any other problems or "relationships"
That will get involve any mind changes.

Anyways. I realised that in order to love others?
You must love yourself 1st.
So how much do i love myself?

Why am i always putting myself in other peoples minds.
Why do i always think about all the people who dont even bother?
So whats important to me

Wish to find my answers

Money can buy alot of thing .
SO What can Money buy ?

Money can buy a bed, but it cannot buy sleep
Money can buy books, but it cannot by brains
Money can buy food, but not appetite
Money can buy finery, but not beauty
Money can buy a house, but not a home
Money can buy medicine, but not health
Money can buy luxuries, but not culture
Money can buy amusement, but not happiness
Money can buy companions, but not friends
Money can buy flattery, but not respect
Last of all....
Money can buy something, but not everything!

&&&

Money can't buy happiness,
Money can't buy true love,
Money can't buy true friends,
Money can't buy SELF RESPECT,
Money can't buy Hope,
Money can't buy Faith.

Money can never make me change the way i am (:

Chinese new year.
Money..
Aii ya just wasting my time and life away ><
Okay back to the main lines.
And here i come.
Never gonna let anyone down (:
Jacelyn is sick again xD
Saddd :( Take care and GWS.

Crap Its always like this. Always has been like that.
I can say. I can see. But i can never bring myself to do what i know.
Okay i give up.
Maybe. Hopefully. This time for good.
I only can be happy for her cant I?
She's loved.
I'm not necessary. She has everything she needs.
Its the thought that counts. But is my thought necessary?

Nahs it does not matter though.
I know where i stand.
I cant put false hope thinking that love will prevail or something.
I've limits. Somehow. I've reached it already.
I'm sad. Yet happy. I'm learning to let go.
I do like her. I wont deny that. But then..
I cant. I'm not good enough. I cant bring myself to get her.
She's much more capable then i am.
No this is not self pity or denial.
Honestly . If i were to be the one that was in her life.
Would it really be the right thing? Or the best thing for her.
Definitely not. I dont know how to put it across.

Anyways. Army? I'm currently down pes-ed.
Pes C9 L2 Wth. And i dint even know.
I'm not afraid to lose my life.
I'm not afriad to do stupid things.
I'm not afraid because i feel that eventually all my goals are nearing the end.
With none in sight. And my track is ending. Turning around to find another forest.
its like a trap.
I wanna do many things. "great" things. But within my capability its not possible.
I'm not living the life of someone . I'm not the same as you.
I'll never let anyone take advantage. I'll help those who are in need.
But most of all. I'll never fail to remember that you're a great person.
1 in the million that i would love to have. But best to let you find better.
Striving for perfection is not what i do.
Looking at scenarios and analyzing whats best.
I'm not the best.
I just wanna be of proper good use and be "normal"

Sighs. 11 months through army. And i've come to realize.
That what i really want. Is not within my reach.
Its time to start from the basics again.
And maybe. That day will come.
I'll not stop trying. I'll not say its contradictory.
But I'll not fail to give chance after chance. If there's hope.

I'm the great expectations of others.
And i wont let them down.

Today i'll be heading off to brunei.
Its going to be 1 year in my NS- life already.
I'm not prepared.
Feeling unwell.
But i'll go through this as normal
As any other time and day.
I'll survive.

Was going through my corrupted email.
Was deleting my "junk mail"
Then when i reached my sent box.
My heart stop.
Literally almost every email. Was to one person.
My email till now.
Only sent emails to a few people.
Majority of it was to her only.
I now dont know what i'm doing.
I'm supposed to be ridden of the past already.
Guess sometimes you're just stuck when you see the happy times you spent.
Those funny emails we share.
The laughter. The times you hit me and said i always bully you
Hahahas. Omg those were the fun days.
But we're growing up.
I know somewhere. I know myself that ..
I havent been a good "boy" person.
But i dont care . I've already set goals.
Its finally time to start on them (:
You were a great friend . A great person.
I dont not wish to judge others.
Neither myself.
I cant be the best.
But i always feel like the worse.
What are friends for (:
I made promises.
And i'll keep them.

I still remember (:

|| Till then . 18 days of hell in Brunei.
Here i come.

WHEEE i havent done anything for a long time
I registered for my bike lessons but haven gone.
Haven even registered for my lessons LOLOLOL.
N/e ways. I complete my CSB.
And its 26 december.
OMG a year going to be over.
I spent x'mas home alone.
No big deal though.
Alot of strange feelings running through me
Heart pain.
What is it now.

Sighs. I dont know.
I just wished i was not alone
But at the same time i wonder.
Where is the person i wanna be with.
Why cant she just give me another look.
And when will i have a chance.

I dont know its just that i'm growing up.
Old liao.
I miss you.

... And 1 more thing .
my ex somehow seems to have things going on.
Good for her. :]
But at the same time
SHIT THIS.

OMGGS i'm likeee. Errr.
8 months. 8/24 = 1/3 way
HOLYYY SHITT
1/3 way through already !! ^^
crap the worse has yet to come.
Part of it is over though
JY!

Back to reality.
I'm screwing up my life BIGG TIME.
i feel like i wanna do things
But i'm feeling
SOO FKING LAZYY!!
okay anyways.
I msged my ex.
Well of coz she does not know
Than again. i also registered for bike license
Of coz again i dont know if i've already said that
Than i'm breaking down due to excessive training.
body pain ah.
Sian still got 2/3 more way to go?
Sure annot...

Charmaine charmaine.
Are you feeling okay annot =/
I'm not positive about you.
Dont be false about ur emotions.
Dont put things in the wrong direction.
Oh wells. I guess i'm just living in a world where i dont know anything
Sighs. I love my real friends :D

I dont wanna talk to alot of people now.
Oh i got promoted too.
Should that mean i must uphold responsibility?
Or be better?
Dam i dont want to do this.
Sighs.
Decisions.
Mind over body Mind over body.
But can the mind cope with it?

Mentally unstable.
Physically weak.
Dam whats a better way to say.
I SUCK.
Oh wells i guess i'm just not good enough
Sian :(
Whats the point of putting in so much effort.
When nothing is going to happen except the biggest downfall
Of myself.

Today i went to bukit gombak.
I've decided to take a step forward.
Yes i know i cant change myself.
And i know i wont change myself either.
Maybe not now. Unless its necessary or for the better.

I'm splurging money again LOL.
But then again.
I really wanted to go and find her.
I'll write a note.

Wells i think thats more sincere dont you think?
Hahas.
I've made alot of mistakes.
I'm not afraid to admit or deny.
Faced against the odds i'd still take it.

I'm sorry for the past.
But thats all i can be.
We're all different.
My perspective is different.
Our meaning of the same word is different.

Does not matter le .
All i know is i'm taking my life into my hands.
And i'm not gonna be steered by peoples words.
No point .
They just come and go.