Wednesday, December 31, 2008
sleeeppyy.
THATS ALL . work sucks .
I had alot of dreams last night.
If i ever have a choice?
I'll never make a decision.
Ravey blogged @ 12/31/2008 09:33:00 PM
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sleep sleep ><
WORK WORK ><
Wadeva.
Today was quite okay larrhs. Busy and screwed up as usual
What more can i say?
Tomorrow hopefully will be good x]
Anyways.. I've been reading my previous blog.
Its so emotional -.- So freaking annoyed.
After everything.
Some where deep inside hurts.
Jowent is talking to me
So much crap
So much misunderstanding.
I dont wanna think anymore.
But looking back.
Hey its really true when i just look at what i say.
Those things and meanings and just feelings that i had.
Its just so "emotional"
So "true" ya know its like.
I'd do anything ANYTHING.
But now i've already taken the next step.
Now i'm asking myself.
If i was trapped between Charmaine and Zhi Wei who would i choose?
My promise? Or my dream girl
SIGHS.
I'M SUCH AN IDIOT
Ravey blogged @ 12/30/2008 09:35:00 PM
Monday, December 29, 2008
Stone. Stoned. Crappy -.-
I'm sleepy.
Went to watch TWILIGHT today.
The characters aint v good looking. At least to me.
Oh well but at least the show was worth it.
Anyways. I'm so tramatised recently.
Anyways i came across this post in my ex's blog.
† Sunday, December 14, 2008 †
Took me a msg from my subconscious 2 make me admit sth dat i've kept deep within my heart. Last nite.. A dream so real dat i tot it rly took place.. But well, I kan do anything to stop it from happening huh.. I'm juz so confused.. I noe i dun wan him, yet deep in my heart i tink i do.. Although i still kan envision any future wif him.. Aarghs let sleeping dogs lie.
Looking back.
All the things she's lied about.
All the things that has been said and done.
And yet she still knows deep inside her heart.
What i've really done.
And what i've really not done.
She's really #^&* up to accused me.
But than again. I pity her.
I dont know what to say actually
I'm just tired.
Why does this have to happen to me.
Why am i so stupid to not be able to salvage my sitaution.
Why do I not think for the far run.
Hiax so many questions.
Only 1 answer.
I'm a fool.
Ravey blogged @ 12/29/2008 09:30:00 PM
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Love is not forced.
I just cant stop thinking about you.
Why why why cant i just stop thinking about you
I thought i've gotten over you.
But the thought of being so close.
Being able to be so close to you just makes me feel so drawn away.
I wanna tell you
I really wanna just tell you.
Grab my bike and cycle and just let all my energy out.
I'm so pissed.
I cant get myself right..
I wanna get my life straight
But somehow i'm just stuck.
I think i'm just being stupid not doing anything about it.
What should i really do than?
I should sign on some online matchmaking webbie?
I'm like so young yet so remote.
At least i think i'm young right?
Why cant the people older than me behave like grown up's
I need some real advice.
But yet i've no one to turn to.
Jeremy is gone. Lost my best friend gone.
Sighs i just cant get over things that i'm stuck with.
You're a person looking at 3 choices.
You want choice A alot!
But you know you its something hard to achieve.
You dont like choice B
So its totally out of the question.
Choice C gives you that CHOSE ME
Kinda answer. But you just know and feel its not right.
With just these 3 choices. And you dont have any others.
What can you do?
Nothing.. You're just stuck seeing the questions wondering.
Pondering how to choose.
What to do.
I'm so tired.
I just want a different choice or another choice or option
Anyways. Nothing much to be said now or done.
JUst finding another answer down with life and just carry on.
Hopefully. She'll be there.
Waiting..
Ravey blogged @ 12/28/2008 09:16:00 PM
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Char char i want you so badly.
Sighs i haven blogged in days.
Not that i don't want to
Just don't have the mood and the energy to really just pull myself together and type me life.
After all its just a stupid cycle.
Anyways just to update what has been going on.
ON XMAS I WAS DAM PISSED
They said i was gonna get paid 950 an hour but yet i was paid my standard rate.
Oh wells. Never mind now i say i wan quit THEY PRETEND THEY DON'T KNOW!.
Even better guess they WANT AND NEED ME
Shit this man I'm being made use of and manipulated.
I really want to tell her.
I really want her to know.
And i've got my reservist letter.
I just want to see her smile and shout at me for being stupid
Just thinking about her makes me so happy yet depressed.
I dont want to lose her But yet i feel i'm not good enough.
I cant help feeling stupid.
For whatever i do in love.
Because i just cant fucking pull myself together for another try.
Its just something i fear. I love you so much i fear of getting the worse.
But if i love you so much.
Is this something i should hide from you?
Tell me what should a real lover do in a time like this?
I love you because of who you are.
I dont know why i love you.
But i'm glad i'm in love with you over my stupidity.
I'll tell you.
When i've the chance.
Wait for me.
I'll definately be there.No matter what.
Life at work is tiring.
Boring. Just nerve wrecking.
Sighs. Give me a break.
Ravey blogged @ 12/27/2008 09:54:00 PM
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
sighs. xmas eve.
Hahs. Today was quite chaotic but yea i got through .
xD Ronald YOU BLACKIE LOL.
Gay boy is back! AND BLACKER DEN EVA!
Go for reservist get tanned till black ! LOLS.
Boring blog.
Just posting my stupid daily life here.
My reservist letter came .
Going in during March. x]
I'm slowly becoming numb.
But i'm still thinking about her.
Just cant help thinking about her..
She's my dream. But just thinking about things that can happen.
Just thinking about her being with someone else.
Really upsets me etc.
But she's happy right?
I've to give her up.
Arghs i'm so complicated with my life now.
I dont wanna do anything.
Ravey blogged @ 12/24/2008 07:08:00 PM
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
errr? XMAS IN ADVANCE ! x]
Whats it like to be "pregnant"
Whats it like to get married.
Hilary from my work place is going back to his hometown to spend Xmas with his "family"
Whats it like to grow up.
Be mature. Earn money Provide for yourself and ur loved one.
When is it time to get married?
"When you look at other girls, And not be interested in them"
And only have 1 person in ur mind, Your "heart"
That's when you know.
Whats love ya? Hahas.
Jowent. I finally know her name.
Hiaz WTF. Sheesh WHY THE HELL WERE YOU
WAITING FOR ME AFTER WORK lol!.
I'll be spending Xmas alone.
Hahas anyone wanna spend it with a loner like myself? xD
Naws its alright.
I can only wish the ones i love happiness.
Sighs . Someone intro me someone LOL .
Till another day it is ba.
Merry Christmas in advance to everyone.
Especially to those who are spending it
Lovingly
Ravey blogged @ 12/23/2008 08:23:00 PM
Monday, December 22, 2008
The wait of forfillment and maturity begins.
I wanted to post yesterday.
I had it up! BUT i forgot LOL..
Does not matter.
SYLVIE welcome back to SINGAPORE.
Okay its not really such a big deal ?
I think i've changed since i 1st known you.
But you've changed abit i think?
Sighs everythings changing even though i wish it wont.
Somehow no matter how i see things.
People grow and mature.
Thats great! But are they maturing in the right way?
In the right direction etc?
Sighs its kinda disappointing now.
Ignore everything around you.
Ignore everything that pisses you off etc.
Why do we have to suffer the fate others created for us?
Make a move.Why wont you voice yourself out!
Common just shout it out and slap them with ur crude remarks.
Sheesh SORRY lols Just that i'm having alot of confusion and thoughts.
Its frustrating.
So annoying.
Because i cant do anything about it.
Haha's my best is not good enough .
Because i cant give my best if i'm speeding through things
And getting things done at the same time.
Thinking of a certain someone now.
A certain someone i want to forget.
Would i forgive myself if i dont tell you?
Would i forgive myself if i let you go to some other guy?
Watching you walk down that asile.
It hurts somewhere.
But i'm forgetting i'm removing.
Ronald I dont wanna do this ya know. But its because you're my friend.
My "brother" thats why i'll still hanging on.
Just to let you know that i'll do anything for my friends.
Its hard but i'll breakthrough the hardships.
Christmas is coming.
I dont have the x'mas spirit.
I'm just loitering around the days Slogging my head off.
Myself off preparing for the days of hardship to come.
I want to give up.
SO many times and i'm still here.
Why cant i just let go?
Is it really that hard?
If we hold back.
We lose out.
But why why why!! WHY CANT I JUST DO IT?
Fear? Responsibility? Necessity?
Should i even go to work tomorrow?
Sheessh. I hate this.
The wait of forfillment and maturity begins.
Ravey blogged @ 12/22/2008 08:16:00 PM
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Today i woke up at around 1+
Yay had so much sleep I really enjoyed it.
Hahahs. Went to cut my hair AGAIN. -.-
But oh wells never mind.
Went to serangoon after that.
Met up with Vick to go for the "christmas celebration"
Was not up to my standard at least.
But oh wells never mind.
Sighs.
And VIC! one more thing -.-
I KNOW ITS CAROLLING ETC.
But DONT SUDDENLY GRAB MY HAND.
Best is that you dont touch these hands at all.
Sighs now i've held the hands of 3 girls.
But oh wells i wont remember it anyways.
i'm forgetting.
I've forgotten.
Ravey blogged @ 12/20/2008 09:35:00 PM
Friday, December 19, 2008
Today at work .
Was rather chaotic.
Zzzz i really dont wanna do this.
If you're issuing me a challenge .
You can do the job well?
You take over and do instead lo.
I lazy la. Wake up so early.
Work so hard dont get any thing back in return and yet.
Still dont get paid extra and make sure everything is okay
Shit this la you want you do urself la.
Tomorrow my off day!
AT LAST.
Long last..
Sighs. Lets take life easy and slack.
And work. Its not where you get ur energy from.
Its the sense of responsibility.
But true you need the energy somehow somewhen.
At a certain point of time.
X'mas is coming eh?
Lets all do our best.
Get MC k? xD
Ravey blogged @ 12/19/2008 11:05:00 PM
Thursday, December 18, 2008
another day eh?
Getting realistic.
I just wanna sleep and slack and just laze around.
Being young eh?
Girls are annoying.
Though sometimes i really wish.
But now i'm just going to let myself be paranoid.
Stupid girls working during the lunch.
Think i dont know what they doing -.-
Grow up la older than me still behave like kids.
I'm still kiddish but still i take control of myself
Work is work.
And tomorrow will be hell.
I need to work faster.
Better...
I'm on my own.
Ravey blogged @ 12/18/2008 08:23:00 PM
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
17th december.
Hahs. Today at work was quite eventful.
Hehs. With proper preparations and good co ordinations.
Everything went quite smoothly and i finished preps for my High tea.
Sianzations next week i working everyday also except sat.
Including christmas.
I'm letting go.
Inside does not feel much.
Though i really want "friends" and company.
Probably just attention.
I wont have any weird intentions.
Or anything thing to do with this.
Just need to get used to this life without thinking about anyone.
And being alone means i can think for myself.
Do everything for myself.
And last of all not get distracted and get my work done on time xD
I'm just living in my own world of fantasies.
I'd probably never find another person like myself.
Or anything like that.
Seeing the girls around me.
Looking at them and just thinking.
They're all "modern"
They still don't "understand".
Its still too early to say.
If i rush things. It'll only be more problematic.
So i'll let things be.
I don't need to find a lover.
I don't need to find friends.
Because I'll not live in people's shadows anymore.
I'll stand on my wobbly own feet.
If i have to crawl to the end in the long run
So be it.
Ravey blogged @ 12/17/2008 09:14:00 PM
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I knew this girl
From a friend.
She was my dream girl for some weird reason.
We started off enemies. Kinda funny.
But I "held" in there.
We became friends.
Laughing over the fone. Sharing problems.
But we're not close.
We never were.
I fell for her.
We seem so compatible in every way.
But it was only me that felt that way.
I liked her b4 i was together with my ex.
But when with my ex i was gg to give her up.
But somewhere inside me still longed for her as it was deemed she was the perfect partner.
But after my break up i realised a few things.
Nothing is perfect.
No matter how hard you try.
Sometimes its not what that you do.
I wanna erase her.
But i know it'll take awhile.
Talking to gekky.
If i could switch my life for someone Else's.
To make theirs more meaningful.
I'd gladly give mine up.
Why does it seem so miserable?
Make my own life happy.
Make my life meaningful?
Fear? etc? I don't know.
Laziness. Probably stupidity.
I'm not studying.
I'm working. I don't have anything.
How can i make things through.
How can i make things work out?
How can i provide for the one i love?
How to be a friend?
Whats a friend. Friends contact each other?
Think about each other?
What is a real friend?
No one can "show" me.
So i really cant be bothered to find friends.
Its like we're better off alone in our own world.
Who can we trust?
Who can you trust....
The person you'd trust the most is the person who will let you down the greatest.
In times of difficulties.
Moments of folly.
Life time of regrets.
Ravey blogged @ 12/16/2008 10:03:00 PM
time to forget. Time to let everything i hold so dear go.
Okay i'm happy.
And emotionless.
Crappy. But i feel so stupid.
I cant feel anything.
I see a pretty girl and my heart does not stay on and i drifts away.
I'm not gay! But i'm quite sad.
But yet happy for the one i love.
I know that she's blessed now.
And she's happy.
I'm glad i made that wish for her on my birthday.
Nothing pleases me more.
But i'm just abit wacked that its all going to go like this.
I'm letting it go.
I'm deleting everything.
Just like my past.
I'm going to forget.
I'm going to let go and just start anew.
Hopefully... Like bitter virgin.
I'll find a person.
Just like myself.
Who'll understand and know.
What love is and maybe. Share it with me.
Work sucks.
Life sucks. And my life is totally empty.
Its not what you do that makes you who you are.
Its how you think and feel.
Charmaine. I hope you'll be with this guy.
And you'll be happy.
Eternal bliss x] Because if you read this again. I'm just letting you know.
I'm sorry that. I don't wanna remember or bring you up again.
Thanks for being there.
As a friend.
You'll be remembered on this blog.
And forgotten to me.
I wished i could be reborned.
Ravey blogged @ 12/16/2008 06:34:00 PM
Monday, December 15, 2008
how much love is love?
Last night i had a dream.
I found the girl i like.Or i think i love.I stood there waiting.She looked dam different.I stood there looking at here.My feelings felt like they were wavered?I think i dont know.
But i knew i was still sincere and serious about her.
I know i'm a sturbbon one.I believe in the weirdest things.
And i believe we can together.Thats what i believe.People say if i can do better.
I should "snatch" her away.But can i do better?I'm going army soon.I wont be able to be there for her.Sighs. Would you be there for me?Would you accept me?Even though i'm so stupid?Would you wait for me?
Love me? I dont wanna hold you down.But i believe love is patient.I'll wait.. For the day to come.(end of "story" + dream)Today work was another day of hell. But slacky in another.Hahas too easy but than again i freaking forgot about my scallops in the friggin oven.Hiaz i'm just short on memoryAnd it's proven.Anyways. Today after work i went to NYDC .Hahas everyone's gone.
And the people who i though would be together.Are together.Heh's nothing outta the blue.Talked to Ken.Slacked slacked.I'm having fun.And yet stressed out.
Still hate my job to a certain extend due to certain things.What can i say or do
Sighs.Either way i'm just feeling super depressed.I know nothing or no one except her.
Will change me.
Sylvie. Where are you..
Ravey blogged @ 12/15/2008 06:47:00 PM
Sunday, December 14, 2008
sighs.
I'm more emotional den materialistic! LOL!
I forgot that i spoilt my 1.2k bike yesterday ROFL.
Shit man! HAHAHAS Oh wells. Guess i overwhelm myself with emotions
That i forget everything else.
Wishes, Dreams, Needs and wants.
Anyways That does not matter to me now.
SHEET MAN why do i always get the dirty job.
I get underpaid because of the timings.
I look at those people doing brunch.
They come.
Everything's prepared for them.
They stand there and just cook for people.
I can do that too wad.
But instead I'm working part-full time style.
Running around like an idiot while having to ensure everythings goes well.
And making sure i prepare what i have to do at the same time.
And get paid till 4 when brunch closes at 335 and have to clear desserts and 4pm sharp etc.
And at the same time the people doing brunch end at 430.
And after they close they just bring the remanding food and feast upstairs while i still slog
And clear up their mess etc.
And i work till around 430 too.
What pisses me off more is that I'm younger than all of them.
Making me feel like someone clearing off their shit.
Fck this and i don't get paid.OT
Everyone who does mezza gets this treatment
I don't want to get this shit.
I'm going to ask them to extend.
Or I'm just going to leave.
Should I?
Dam its so hot.
And tiring. And just stressful to just make sure everything is done well while running around.
I'm having memory lapse due to all the forgetting and brainwashing I've been doing
To myself.
I need to really work my mind
I'm just looking for a real friend.
A companion.
Someone. Anyone. To be there for me.
A stupid me.
But I guess that's too much to ask to begin with.
Ravey blogged @ 12/14/2008 08:18:00 PM
Saturday, December 13, 2008
midst of december alreaddy?! A dream of being weak.
Lies. Lies and more lies.
Read between my lines and you'd probably understand my 2nd meaning.
I'm not saying things for no reason.
I have reasons for saying what i've said.
Its only whether you get it or not,.
But than again. I dont think i'm capable of providing you with happiness.
But none the less i want you to know.
Indirectly. That someone cares.
Someone thinks about you and wants you.
Work was tiring.
I'm tired. Cant stop yawning. Sighs.
I'll turn in super early today.
Last night i had a dream.
(cut the story short)
I did not manage to protect those i love.
Conclusion. I suck.
Its only a dream.
But it speaks alot of what that has been happening around me.
I'm weak.
I'm so retarded.
I'm even lying to the person i love.
Ravey blogged @ 12/13/2008 08:56:00 PM
Friday, December 12, 2008
Should i really just let it go
I can say that I'm emotionally crushed.
Though I'm trying so hard not to show.
Trying so hard not to let it out.
I hope nobody ever reads this shit anymore anyways.
I just want a place to vent out everything and just shout it out.
I'm in a forest.
A forest of trees.(or so they say)
Some trees are nice.
They look nice are are good and strong.
Some are nice looking but inside is already rotting etc.
I'm a tree.Probably a weed rather.
Looking for a tree. A good tree to be my companion.
But this tree has been entangling with others.
And leaving me out only to watch hear and know that she's already taken.
As i stand from afar to talk to her occasionally while the wind carries my voice.
I really wish to see her up close instead of the photo that i have.
She seems so perfect.
And I'm feeling so down under.
How can a weed ever match up to a tree?
And now I'm just waiting.
Waiting for a day.That i might have a chance.
There are weeds like me
Out there somewhere.
But they're probably not my type.
Or I'm not their type.
Or I've yet to find that another someone.
Blehs stupid story translation.
But yea. What more can i say?
She's with her guy.
And i hope she's happy with him.
I mean what more can i ask for right?
Though deep down inside
We long for it.
We want it. But than when we see.
That the love we give. The person we are.
Is not compatible. Now Later Or never.
The most painful thing is to let the thing you love most go.
And regret and just long for a day that you'll be reunited.
Re joined.
Life and death.
It seems so simple.
A cycle everyday.
The sun rises.
We wake up.
We sleep
The moon shines over us.
And we continue our lives.
Learning each day.
And at the end of time.
This test. We die. And just "vanish"
I really wish that i could forget.
I really wish i dont know.
I just dont want to hurt like this.
No one wants to be alone.
No one would definately wanna be heartbrokened.
If only i could be better..
If only i was perfect.
Ravey blogged @ 12/12/2008 10:08:00 PM
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Friend?
What are friends for?
Hmm i dont know.
Do onto others what you want them to do onto you?
Spent a day slacking away.
Hahas it feels so good.
My stupid mom talked to me about responsibility.
SCREW THIS LA HOR.
Set what example.
Stfu la hor you wan blame me for what.
I'm ME
You're YOU.
As simple as that you want an example?
Go out there and get one.
I'm not going to be your example.
And dont use me as your example.
You think i care what he did last time?
You think its my responsibility to be like him?
Go get someone like him to replace me lo.
Everyone's better than me to you so what does it matter
Go pick up some can on the road and say its better than the same.
Stupid right?
Am i really a friend?
Am I capable than?
At this rate its all going to waste.
My feelings are telling me to go against the odds.
My Thoughts tell me to give her the freedom.
My Love tells me to give her "perfect" happiness.
My Soul tells me to just let everything be and get what i need to do done.
I'm just being stupid.
Ravey blogged @ 12/11/2008 10:10:00 PM
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Kinda weird i'm popping back my ex blog.
I'm just seeing what she says.
Though what she said is totally untrue at times.
But hell yea who cares.
Maybe i do. Abit.
I cant say i really loved her to begin with.
Since while with her i was actually thinking of someone else.
But i was going to give her up and dedicate myself to her.
But in the end? Hiaz what can i say? Its no point afterall.
Its all over and she's decided to do such.
I cant do anything now can i?
Now again i'm so sad.
I dont know why. Tell me why i just cant get anything right?
I'm thinking if i dont try i'll never get it.
But i dont wanna try or do I?
I'm like on the edge of both sides.
But than again.
Whats love.
Alison said if i love her i want the best for her.
If i can do better.
Than i should "snatch" her away.
But than i'm not in her school etc.
I dont wanna distract her etc.
HIAZ.
I'm just so tired. I dont know how and what to do.
Listening to some "emotional" songs now.
No matter where life takes me to. A part of me will always be with you.
Emotionally i'm not fine.
Physically i'm sick and tired.
Psychologically i'm UNSTABLE.
Mentally i'm sick.
OVERall report status.
CrAzY rEtArd.
Ravey blogged @ 12/10/2008 09:00:00 PM
yawns
Hiaz. I dont know what i've been thinking lately
Just thinking about a particular someone.
Sighs. Thats all
Work sucks . Life sucks.
I wish i could love you. thats all i wanna do i think.
Ravey blogged @ 12/10/2008 05:06:00 PM
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Memories.Christmas draws near
Today was a "meaningful" day.
I had quite alot of things running through my head to process.
But somehow i feel as though my mind is thinking slower.
And not as "smart" as i used to be.
Since when was i smart to begin with.
Ahhh the girl that I'm working with is a beauty.
But than again. I DON'T FRIGGIN CARE K! So stop trying to give me that stupid look.
It wont change anything -.- I don't give a dam! And I'm not gay ! LOL.
Work was pretty fine. Tomorrow got quite a few things to do.
Prepare for the guy working for me xD
hahas i quite bad sia push the hard days to someone "new"
Oh wells guess the world has its own evil side =x
I mean me xD
Cycled to visit my grands.
She's 80+ and always talking about dying and moving on.
She just wants to pass time.
But passing time alone, and in pain.
Hiaz how to help her?
I also don't know. I cant help her heart.
That's trapped in darkness knowing her own children.
Actually just maybe 2 of them ARE TOTALLY SCREWING UP their own lives.
Worrying if they'll divorce etc.
Yea she's talking about my family etc.
But i don't friggin really care.
But than again i do abit.
I only can put a positive face and tell her that everything fine and make her feel better?
I don't know how to deceive my own grandmother la.
After all the things..
She was the one to bring me up.
To protect me
To instill all the "good points"
The goodness i am today in me.
She was the one who scared me with all those real things happening.
And just keeps worrying all day.
Worry wart. But i really appreciate it.
If 1 day she was to die.
I don't know should i be happy that she wont have to suffer.
Or be sad to lose my dearest grandmother.
I'm just going to say that I'm very grateful for everything she's done.
And I'll spend my free time going to visit her x]
Slacking now.
Sianzations i don't know what to do.
I need to sleep soon but I'm waiting for Charmaine to tell me when i can call her.
Hiaz. I mean what i say and i wont back out on my words.
That's what i believe a man should be.
Protective. Decisive. "Productive". A person who can make his loved one and family happy and be someone everyone can rely on.
I don't know .. I don't think i can hahas. Maybe I'll remain a kid.
If only i could.
Time passes by so fast. In a blink its the end of this year already.
I'm thinking about my ex.
We met somewhere in late November.
Got closer in December.
I remember church carols.
I remember alot of things suddenly.
Flashbacks.
I remember Sylvie. I remember the times I've been dedicating myself to love them.
But getting screwed by them none the less.
I'm lonely. I'm bored.
And I'm getting used to it.
A family ... I wonder whats it like to be a father..
Ravey blogged @ 12/09/2008 08:56:00 PM
Monday, December 8, 2008
Hari raya. Public holidays.
What a day to spend my off days by spending money un necessary -.-!!
SO TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR.
Hiaz.
Woke up due to a message from Gay boy saying the substitute might not be able to make it.
Than i getting ready he say don't 1st he go confirm
Than message me ask me go back sleep
WTF MAN! asswhipe! KNS!
lols anyways i managed to pull myself back into bed and sleep.
Woke up at around 9+?
I don't know. Watch my brother get owned in dota etc.
Than i go fix my bicycle.
Vic messaged me. Say go watch bolt.
Why not? right?
Cycled home. It was raining all days.
Sighs. Anyways reached home. Bathe.
Chiong -.- Had to take a cab or sure super late.
Waste money -.- Reach there 220.
Movie no seats. We settled for the 3.30 on.
!!! WASTE MONEY TAKE CAB sia lols.
Oh wells.
Shopped there while waiting for the movie to start.
So fun sia. Vic like my little sister. hahas!
Bolt was not as good as i expected.
And it cost me 10 bucks cas its a public holiday! OMG -.-
Movies are totally so ex now adays -.- sighs.
Den i cabbed home. And cabbed down to Toapayoh to play basketball.
Sheesh i super hate wet weathers for CERTAIN SPORTS.
And the ball not standard one -.-
Never mind its only a game. x] Hope they dint mind me being so noob on their team.
Sighs.
Play 22 games all go home?!
DARN that totally sucks la.
Waste time and money .
Sheesh today was totally uncalled for.
I wished it was better.
But i really enjoyed my time with Vic.
Hehs.
Ravey blogged @ 12/08/2008 08:59:00 PM
Sunday, December 7, 2008
The mind is clearing.
Yet blurring.
I'm sleepy. I'm tired.
And i don't care lols -.-
x] Memories are memories.
Friends are friends.
But I'll remember you for more than that.
Hiaz i don't care la.
I really don't know.
Its just so deep inside i don't know what i feel.
Hahas i can say I'm just shattered.
But I'm happy
I think.
I hope
I wish..
I'm getting along fine.
I'm moving down the correct path.
I'm working for my necessities.
I'm living for the sake and existence I'm trying to create.
I've something to prove.
But i don't have anything.
Its something shown with sincerity.
Its something called trust and love.
But its something.
I would never give.
Contradictions.
Ravey blogged @ 12/07/2008 07:06:00 PM
Saturday, December 6, 2008
6th december ALREADY?!
Saddening ain't it.
To know the person you love.
Found "love" Wells..
If she really loves and is loved.
I'll give her my blessings.
But than again. Its quite hard lols.
Inside just does not wanna accept that fact.
Because i was too late and therefore Ive let go of something so worth
My birthday i made a wish.
It was for someone to be happy.
If that's her happiness. I'm happy.
For myself?
I'll just find happiness within the dark corners finding shimmers of light.
If its ever possible.
None the less I'm not going to lie to myself.
I'm going to just face the facts.
And I'm just going to let things be.
After all i think..
I'll let nature take its course ba.
Its good to love.
Its better to be loved.
Its best to make love =X
OKAY THAT WAS LAME.
But than again. whats love.
Once b4 i told my colleague.
I would do anything.
But now? I don't think i would.
I just cant bring myself to trust anyone so much anymore.
Its only words. Anyone can show them.
Its only that moment of "action" how can you believe if its true?
For life how long can you keep up this act?
Naw this is life we've just got to face it.
Marriage, Growing old, Kids, Financial issues, Health issues.
Wadeva la. Hahas.
Today at work was quite good. Managed everything well.
Finished on time.
I'm on the verge of breaking down.
But that's how i always am.
On the edge.
But I'll maintain my balance.
I wont allow myself to crumble or fall so easily.
I've things to do. Things to protect.
I wanna make a memory. A good memorable one.
For everyone.. And myself.
Ravey blogged @ 12/06/2008 07:16:00 PM
Friday, December 5, 2008
emo -.- Charmaine is engaged again. Time to give up for the final time? sighs.
I'm in a super emo mood.
Hahas i guess we must all know where we stand
"I wanted you to understand me more than anyone else"
"So i wanted to disclose myself to you"
"but that doesnt work because i've no experience"
"Thats just to irritating"
"I just cant be honest with myself, I'm just contradicting myself"
But than again.
Only people who really want to know and understand me
Will understand me easily.
Hahas
Its all written between the lines.
Today ended work late again.
Bo bian never mind.
At least i learned some cool things xD
Time to create my own recipie =x
Its gonna cost me xDD
But you never know if ya dont try ^^
Finding love?
Let nature take its course ba.
Time will tell.
Love will nuture.
And it'll last.
Ravey blogged @ 12/05/2008 07:40:00 PM
Keeping my cool.
Taking it easy.
Letting my head chill.
I should have know.
Actually i think i knew.
But than again.
I dont wanna think about this.
Guess this time.
I'll just let it end.
I'll remove everything.
And just let this be another sad, happy memory.
Its all over. I dont wanna think about you anymore.
Ravey blogged @ 12/05/2008 12:00:00 AM
Thursday, December 4, 2008
4th dec
The story still hits me quite abit.
The meaning of love hits me again.
Happiness is whats that everyone's looking for.
I'm also looking for happiness.
But i don't think i can really find it hahas.
Visions that I've had. And such.
I've never had a far end vision of my life.
Am i going to die young?
Hahas nvr minds i shan't talk about fate destiny or illusions or visions.
Anyways.
I'm giving up i think
I don't know. -.-
I just cant feel it already.
I mean its not like i dint try.
I think I've tried.
But somehow i don't feel so compatible anymore.
We're still "young"
"WE"
You probably don't understand or anything.
Sometimes when i think we're growing up.
We're no longer the same.
We mature.
But somehow no matter how i look at it.
Somethings change.
Somethings wont change.
Our characteristics.
Our likes and dislikes.
Its who we are.
What we are. What we were made to be.
What we've become.
Its not an overnight change.
Its not something you just say hey you're the one for me.
Its just that.
Maybe.. I try to hard.
Maybe i should not even bother.
Maybe i should just end all of this here.
The end of the line.
I'm sorry because i don't wish to continue believing or thinking about something.
Which i don't know whats what and i don't wish to ask.
I'm not that kinda person when it comes to feelings.
I'm only bitching around here so who actually cares.
Even if you do read this.
What can i say. Its all up to you.
I'll shut up and listen.
Not that its what you asked me to do.
What should i do than.
Lets just let nature take its course. And i hope you'll find someone.
Perfect, better, more mature, Someone who can take care of you.
And make you happy.
Do you really think i believe everything you say?
Today i ended work late.
Had a long cool refreshing shower.
Had alot of things running through my mind.
I seriously hate working after the days i'm off.
Alot of shit i've to clear.
Oh wells. -.-
That's my life.
Ravey blogged @ 12/04/2008 08:33:00 PM
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
3rd december
Today i spent alot of money on stupid things ^^.
Hahahs but oh wells i feel abit stupid spending so much.
But yet its so fun spending money.
Better than saving money lols.
Went out to meet victoria today. ^^
Hmm watched madagascar for the 2nd time.
Not as funny as i remembered.
Oh wells. Cant help it.
-.-
Called gekky . Lols she still has my number X]
Abit stunned x]
And she's still in band! OMG =X hahahahahs. The love for music eh?
Ate pastamania for the 3rd time today i think.
1st time with sylvie, 2nd with zhiwei, 3rd time with victoria.
Hmm not really important.
Love with your spouse.
Love with someone.
Love with siblings.
Love with friends.
Love with your materialistic things.
Love with your pets.
Love with everything around you.
Its all different.
Hahas some people wont understand.
Hiaz. feeling relatively bored heartless emotional now.
Dont know why i just cant get my feelings right.
But i'm slowly losing my mind.
My passion.
My dream and my promises i've made.
Its all fading. Going away. Just diseappearing.
I cant remember. I dont even think i want to remember.
Just going out with someone.
Makes me feel so happy already.
Does that mean i'm only lonely not yearning for love?
It does not matter who.
It just the companionship.
This yearning to hold someone has gone.
This yearn to love is no longer there.
I'm not desperate. x] Just lonely.
Working tomorrow.
Getting ready for hell!
JY x] may time pass well.
Ravey blogged @ 12/03/2008 10:32:00 PM
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Till the day . Till that day..
Finished the manga.
So freaking sweet.
So freaking sad.
So freaking everything.
I seriously recommend it to people who are bored.
And those who're in love.
Though it has nothing to really do with how you feel.
But if you really "love" i believe you'll be able to relate to this manga.
Love has no limits, No boundaries.
Its pure.
One day. There might be someone.
Better than me. And i hope if that day come you'll find your true happiness.
Whether be with me
Or without me.
I love you
Truly
Deeply
Madly.
As long as you're happy.
Whats right.
I'll be happy too.
Quote taken from the manga. - Certainly a day might come where the 2 of us must part.
One day a man Much more mature than i am will take care of the girl i love.
One day he'll find someone more cheerful much more suited for him than i am.
But till that day comes. I'll love you.
Be there for you. And be with you till the end of time.
I'll be with you.
http://www.onemanga.com/Bitter_Virgin/1/01/
If have time drop by and read ^^
Ravey blogged @ 12/02/2008 11:51:00 PM
bitter virgin. Manga
Imagine if your lover was pregnant
Imagine if the person you loved was raped.
Imagine if the person you love was not the way you wanted.
Imagine if the thing you expected most turned out wrong.
Reading a manga on a "single mother, 16, Raped by her stepfather,pregnant
2wice,aborted once and given birth once without seeing her baby."
Its kinda sad. Its kinda love story. About loving someone.
About fear.
About wanting something and yet fear keeps you back
Reminds me of alot of things.
Its really a good manga.
Would you like to touch my tummy?
You'll be able to feel my baby.
Imagine you touching your own stomach and feel something "inside you"
Alive. Moving. Kicking. Someone.
A mother's instints.
A mothers love.
Love . For the baby.
For the responsibility of what she's done.
For the happiness of raising a child.
A new life. A new beginning.
Everyone deserves a chance right?
Instead of getting killed.
Aborted.
Hiaz. Love eh?
But what if she's the only one I'll love.
For the rest of my life I'll never find another person.
Am i going to let go?
Would she let go? Ahh i wanna finish this 32 episodes ^^
Till than.
Ravey blogged @ 12/02/2008 10:09:00 PM
Mr paul
This is Singapore.
Actually this is the present .There's not much true love around anymore.If you get rejected time and again?Just give up la! Why bother waste time only.Zzzzz thats what my collegues told me.Hiaz -.- Saddening aint it.
But since they're more "experienced" than me
I'll have some thoughts running through my head.Anyways..
Why does everyone enjoy calling me Mr PAUL -.-wtf la. These 2 girls working now are like.Mr paul . Mr paul -.- SO FREAKING ANNOYING LA!
Hiaz. And they're like older than meWhich makes it more "frustrating" la!I'm so bored.
Looking at my phone also don't know who to talk to.Hiaz no one.
No one at all.Tomorrow off day. x] What should i do.Hiaz. Sianzations.
Ravey blogged @ 12/02/2008 05:33:00 PM
Monday, December 1, 2008
1 of december. Ending of 2008 the final month.
A great day. Nothing went wrong.
Nothing cocked up.
Even my boss says he trust me 100%
x] Oh wells -.- Even though i can be a total kuku at times.
I still make things work out.
Today i messed up abit.
But i still pulled through using a split minded "tactic"
Stressful But than again when i think about it
WHO CARES ITS ALREADY OVER.
hahahahas.
Today i had this "debate" with myself.
Yeah thats why i always like to "argue with others"
If i see my ex again what would i do?
If i cant get what i want and need.
Than how?
I really wonder.
They're only words anyone can say them.
I'm only saying these. But inside i dont just say them
It feels. The emotions etc.
She said this once.
Making out is very common. So if its not common its not okay to make out?
Or what so ever? sometimes whenever i think back
It was really a stupid relationship.
But than again i really lost my mind.
Because of a personal promise.
A Love promise. A promise i make is a promise i keep but was broken because i dint have a real say in this.
It was her choice.
Than again. Thats why i dont wanna call the shots anymore.
If someone likes me. Or can say they love me.
What would i do?
Give them a chance? Or just love them as friends?
If i put myself in anyone's shoes.
Its great to be wanted and loved.
But to be alone?
Alone eh? Like me now?
I go to work go home w/o life and save all my money buying materialistic things?
Hiaz its not really what i need or want.
Get a life! How do i get one?
Its not like you just say i want a life.
I do the things i like.
But than again even doing things i like.
Its still on my own.
I cant get anyone to think like i do really.
Adults eh?
Only they really can understand.
Maturity level..
Youngsters just dont understand.
Guess i'm old than.
Hiaz. I dont know what to say la -.-
Talked to vic. PROBABLY going out with her tomorrow.
And HOPEFULLY HER FRIEND TOO
LOLOLOLOL><
When i think now.
My heart has no fixed answer. My eyes look and wander off.
I've no straight answer. I've no direct route.
I'm still alone and I've alot of directions to take.
I've alot of choices.
But the answers. The results are usually not mine to make. LOLS.
Because the things i do. Are not for myself.
But for those around me.
Hahahs hopefully. They'll be there for me.
As my friends. But apparently..
Nope.My phone lies there on the table.
Flat. No one messages me.
No one cares.Friends eh?
Ravey blogged @ 12/01/2008 09:01:00 PM