Constellation - Scorpio

Friday, October 31, 2008

End of october.

Tomorrow will be November liao.
Today i went long distance cycling again.
Cycled all the way to Serangoon to meet Vic.
In simple words today was a great exercise.
Ah than Vic made me wait for her.
So "inconsiderate" =x LOLs
But i dint mind just playing around with her. x]
Went to serangoon gardens for lunch .
Had 2 pratas. Good enough for me.
Than went back to her place.
Tired siaaa.
Short while later her roommate came back.
Forget what her name liaos! LOL [don't care]
Than go meet her sec school mate for some "gospel sharing"

Cycled there. Reached faster den Vic.
Obviously -.- She was like OMG so fast -.-
Met her friend [wait i check message for her name]
Chesed. - Aka cheese? That's what she asked me to call her LOL.
Wadeva? Weird name =x But unique! I likkee.
Who cares. Than chat for awhile about god. Church and etc.
Don't know la in the end also nvr share with me anything or wadeva.
Than i just go home lo.
Going home that part i don't know is it the nice weather.
The downhill, smooth road?
But the ride home was definitely much faster and smoother.
Most fun part?
I chiong with this uncle who was riding this motored bicycle.
So fun la i keep over taking him.
Than at traffic junctions he purposely "park in front of me"
Nvm so fun. LOL.
Than i overtook in a long stretch and lost him -.- So sad la. My pacer.

Oh oh oh today i cycled and i saw alot of Indian guys holding hands.
WHAT THE HELL MAN?
But somehow i dint really feel or care much.
Guess its in their culture to look after each other like that?
Ahhh still seems to gay to me.
November.. The year is coming to an end.
Its so fast... So painful.. Such a horrible year.
Sighs. Never mind ba. Its all in my own doing. Its all part of "gods plan"
Its all in our hands to make the decisions. And call the shots.
But the outcome is what that wavers everyone.What is the final product and outcome?
Is it good? bad?

It stills lingers in my head.....

Words are only words.
Anyone can say them.

Ravey blogged @ 10/31/2008 08:51:00 PM

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Negative

1st of all i really dont appreciate people randomly tagging
Randomly "posing" as someone else.
And last of all discriminating people like that.
If you wanna screw around go some where else and screw.
Not here thank you..
I cant be bothered to trace you or care who you are anyways.
Wan tag tag something sensible.Or silly but don't manipulate others.

This was supposed to be "posted yesterday"
But since my computer "crashed"
It was saved in draft and i only managed to post today.
30th oct.
Today work till around 5.
No complains was working with my "best Buddie"
Rather say a retarded wacko guy LOL.
Wanted to log out.
But saw this friggin long Q cas tonight got wedding.
All the china people coming in to work -.-
Walked down to mac.
Dint know what to eat.
Randomly ordered a mac spicy.
Geez i don't like mac anymore one bit.
Sighs. Nvr minds who cares about what i like.
Went back timed out.
Reached home play dota.
Stoning. Stoning. Dazing around.
What am i doing.

And this stupid line keeps running through my head.
They're only words.. Anyone can say them.
Even if its proven with action. People can fake ignorance and turn against you.
So what should you do?

Its all in the past my boy.
History. But still its like debris that's settled in the sea.
Its there but cant be seen till "searched for"
Or accidentally found.
Speechlessness Why am i always so negative and Emo -.-
Stupidity.

Ravey blogged @ 10/29/2008 10:43:00 PM

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

forgotten

I'm so dam lazy.
I'm so tired?
I dint even go do the things i wanted or needed to do.
OMG -.- Tml must do already . Its wednesday tml.
Stitches + go check out my NS things.
Dammit still need do nafa?!
Hiaz -.-

Ah i'm nothing -.- I'm an empty vessel.
That wants to aquire something so grand in life.
Who doesn't?

I just realised i forgot to publish this stupid post yesterday.
Hahahas When life gets totally into a boring cycle with no one.
Your life gets totally boring and sucky.

Ravey blogged @ 10/28/2008 09:36:00 PM

Monday, October 27, 2008

Fear

Just stoning.. Never thought i did think back.
Was clicking through some emails.
Dint think it was that bad back than.
It was horrible
Feelings come back and i remember the disheartening things.
But still somewhere inside of me does not care.
But still its a strong reminder.
Reading something Sylvie sent me.
When someone says something recieve with an open mind and view from different views and know what they're trying to say.
Maybe its crap. But sometimes you can find inspirations in the stupidiest and weirdest things and places.
Its like a reminder or just a flash of new innovations and things that can be done.

All those inspiring things and motivation to move.
To drag myself out of misery.But why am i even saying this.
I dont know why i miss someone so badly now -.-
Dont know why she's just so on my mind.
But i do not wish this dream to fade.
And than again i do not wish to lose something to important.

I'm just suffering some serious states of depression
I dont even know what i'm saying.
The thing is that.
The answer is so straight forward.
Yes or No.
But the fear of rejection.
Or the word FEAR is what that holds everyone back.

Ravey blogged @ 10/27/2008 02:15:00 PM

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Jobless.

Work work -.-
Slack slack stone stone.
I'm a stoner what else can i say
My don't care work attitude? Probably -.-
I do my part and F off that's what i do.
But i still complete my part right?
Why you still wanna complain.
Say what you want i don't wish to "improve"
I just wanna past my time -.-
Tml i supposed to go to get my army thing going.
Hopefully i can get my letter to enter by December.

This morning was greeted by Jacelyn's LAME MESSAGES.
And was quite satisfied with something.
But as the day dragged on it got stony.
As usual. Everyone working enjoys their job.
They're from shatec etc.But I'm there for the experience and money only-.-
Lame right? I know I'm slogging my life there.
I don't wish to say much. Just that life is just quite disheartening at this point of time.
I'm unhappy with myself for not being more hardworking and taking the initiative.
And my childish attention seeking behaviour that somethings i just let loose.
But yet again my "mature" side takes over and just passes time by staring into space.
Pondering time and again. Over things which cant change anything.
Why bother.

Anyways while coming home i saw a lesbian couple.
Zzzz lesbian still okay.
If i ever see gays i think I'd faint LOL.
Why cant people just be "normal"
Whats normal to begin with?
I don't think I'm normal
I'm probably suffering from depression or something
LOLs.

What should i do with my life?
How to get it started.
How to pursue my dreams and achieve some goals?
Can i attain such a level?

Fate is in your own hands because you decide what you wanna do.
Destiny is preplanned as its supposed to happen.
So if destiny says that i would cycle but i don't cycle
Is that changing my destiny?
Or is that just a "word" that's used to describe what we fear?
If its supposed to happens it happens.
That's what "god" said.
He knows whats going to happen.
What choice we're going to make.
And he sent us down to earth with his preplanned "destiny" for us.
And expects us to change our fate.
And know whats right and wrong so we'll be accepted into his kingdom.
So if he already knows what we're going to do
Whats this test on earth for?
If he wants us to rewrite our "destiny"
Wont he already know whats going to happen?
This god is a contradicting one.
Like us humans We confuse ourselves with the simple daily life.
With a complex-ed lifestyle and high demands.
Conclusion?
We're put on this earth for something.
A reason to change our surrounding.
We're born for a reason.
We live we die. No matter how small the impact.
No matter how small the existence.
Its still an existence.
Its still an impact into someones life.
You cant change things that has been done. You cant predict whats going to happen.
You can only live each day.
Happily or sad its up to you.
How you choose what to do and how to do it.
Somethings aren't a choice
But we've to make do with what we can and add spice into it.
In our own ways.
Even if its the most pathetic lame ones.
But still at least we try.
Its better to try than to die unknowing.

-Another one of Ravey's crappy try to live life to the fullest "quotes"

Ravey blogged @ 10/26/2008 10:15:00 PM

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Sick -.-

Roawr i'm down with a flu again.
So sickening -.- Sneeze and sneeze.
Today kana scold again for something i'm dont remember LOL
Finished on time today.
Sat must set up high tea items, Open oysters blah blah.
Today i saw this young couple. Probably teens in poly?
At the buffet alone.
Kinda romantic. But i would not reco my work place to eat ba... xD
Not with me working there =x JK!
None the less, It was really an "eye opener"
What "young people" can do for their loved ones.

Saw people cycling today.
My hands and legs itchy.
But i dont want to yet my head wound doesn't want me to cycle yet.

Ahhh someone never reply my message again -.-

So irritated...

Ravey blogged @ 10/25/2008 08:11:00 PM

Friday, October 24, 2008

Endless cycle

Hahahs.Today was a great day to sleep
Unfortunately i had to wake up to go to work.
DAMM!! T_T.
Now the financial crisis is very bad o.0
They're cutting down my hours T_T.
But thats a good thing as well i dont really want to work that much either.

Today people say O levels very difficult.
Maths paper 1.
Everyone said it was a killer.
Keep thinking of her =/
Stupid right? LOL =X
But i hope she's busy studying x]

Ahh i finally got the hang of dota xD
Owned finally x]]
Time to make a move.
This money shall make a step on.
Ah its the weekend already.
And the starting of sec's schools holidays if i'm not wrong.
The last time i was packed with thoughts.
But recently i've been like brainwashed.
But its alright ^^ i like being empty.
Fits my characteristics ^^
Tml working 7-3 again sianzz~ Nvm tml i shall do fast finish fast also ^^
But somehow life seems to revolve around work and my lifelessness
Just want to get this horrible time dragging period over with.

Ravey blogged @ 10/24/2008 08:57:00 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Admist the confusion

Today was a boring day as usual.
Today dint have much on my mind.
Today i was saw some hot girls.
But i dint care or even look twice.
Today i'm feeling pain and aches all over.
Today has been another day that i dreadfully passed.

Eric commented.
17 years old gg 18 le not to young liao ma.
Get a gf. But its not i dont want. Or anything now.
its just that no matter how i think about it
Will the girl i like be happy with me?
Hiaz..
Missing someone right now wonder how's she coping.
She probably knows ba.
But still i wont say anything till her exams and everything is over ba.
And i'm ready to be rejected and turned down anyways.

Jacelyn you sure you're ready to take on working life?
To put down everything and move on alone?
Its a hard journey... You're still young..To have to start working now
Would have alot of things you would miss out on.
But if you're willing to give in and up.
Than so be it. Take on this role and never regret it because in time you will.
A role to stand strong. Physically and mentally.
Dragging yourself to slog yourself and day away at work.
Its a hard process and to accomplish your part within the hours and job w/o asking for OT.
How far can you press yourself and lower your standard and yet increase them at the same time?
Working life is different. You see competition everyday. Higher up's torment the lower downs.
And other things in terms of rank etc.
Work is more scary where its the real deal from than on.
How much are you willing to risk and take?

Naww working life is just something we must gradually come to adapt to.
Love the job. Sometimes its the attitude.
Sometimes its the passion or the learning process.
But somethings are just not meant to be.
Struggle?
Lets not talk about work it seriously turns me off.

I wish i was schooling still.
Joking with friends. Talking with girls.
Learning new things and getting scolded by teachers and detention and stuff
Lols those were the days i enjoyed.
Better than slogging myself hard..
Oh wells.

Ravey blogged @ 10/23/2008 06:52:00 PM

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Limits

Wow i spent another whole day rotting at home.
Getting plentiful of rest x]]
I'm so glad.
Talked to Jacelyn today.
Hahahs guess i still have my own ways of making people tell me what they want to keep secrets.
Though at times some are really meant to be kept i wont make them spill the beans.
But still it was kinda funny LOL X]
Jac jac jac . Suddenly you said something about relationships? LOLOLOL
Don't scare me =x
You're currently worse den a caged hamster. =X

Darn I'm too straightforward again.
I don't even remember how i burned my time today.
But I'm glad the day is over.
Tml going to work ^^.
Am i ready or not i don't know -.-
Dint call someone today. Though i really wanted to.

Today someone relatively pissed me off.
1st of all i really hate my name.
2ndly was that a dare?
Block block lo.
Loner?I think i fit that catergory perfectly.
How can we compare?
But still i cant really say I'm a complete loner or anything.
I still have some people who're there for me.
Who doesn't. Maybe a few.
But than again appreciate what we have and those who are precious to us.
Why press their limits or push them against the wall when you yourself know what they already don't like.
I mean what i say and people have their limits.
Don't push it because I'm not afraid of the consequences.
Make a decision and stick to it.
Don't be a fickle minded and do a rash decision because when you're disposed of something
And when you want to find it back.
You can try but you might not get it back.
So don't be an idiot.

Lalala its so late already.
I'm bored and thinking about work tomorrow.

Its a choice we make.
Its a decision to take.
Its a move we have to make.
Thats all it'll take.
What would you do?

Ravey blogged @ 10/22/2008 10:28:00 PM

Stone.

Guess i still can use my OLD RELIABLE COMPUTER <33
I'm the only one that uses this com thats why it does not spoil
Unlike those being used by the majority of people at home.
So who can they blame? ME?
This com is working fine excuse me. thank you.
So you're saying i spoilt the other com's?
Interesting sia.

None the less i don't care x]
Arghs another day. Another god dammed boring day.
Nothing to do.
I personally fixed my bike but i don't know if i can rely on it or not.
Scared to ride it lei.
And my eye swollen like dat T_T

I wanna exercise etc lei. And I'm so dam bored la.
Darn i forgot what i wanted to say again.
None the less i think I'm going to go cycling.
Or maybe out.

Thinking back not so far. Probably skipping my whole relationship period.
I've so many things I've missed out and want.
But was held back.
Hmmm how dedicated was I? -.-
Who cares i now wanna get my army done and over with.

Pathetic life I'm currently leading so meaningless and no direction.
Where are you when i need you the most.
But i do not wish to get in the way.
We all want to have our own ways.

Ravey blogged @ 10/22/2008 10:41:00 AM

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Another night has passed

Dammit all my computers are spoilt.
This might be my last post for now and for a long time -.-
Sian la.
Cant sleep properly.
Ahhh I'm thinking of someone right now.
Hahaha's I'm so grateful in life already.
Yesterday's incident made me even more grateful.
My life must really have a purpose..
And it made me realise who are the people who really care.
I know of some people who mean alot to me.
Rather say just a few.
Ahh I'm in pain but i like it xD
Hmmm what am i going to do today.
I also don't know
Hiazzzzz But i really wish i dint crash than i would really have a great day.
And maybe i would be working now slogging away.
Darn. What to do what to do. -.-
Hiaz.
I just wanna talk to someone.

Ravey blogged @ 10/21/2008 09:25:00 AM

Monday, October 20, 2008

Bloody day.

Today i went to work.
Today i slacked at work.
Today i ended work LATE as usual.

Today i went cycling to C.C.K
Met Jaslyn and Jasmine.
Than i cycled home.
Went past my ex house
Than i cycled to my grands to pay a visit.
Slacked around cas my cousin was there ^^
Than i cycled home AND today its more than just an ordinary day ^^
I was raining~ Dripping blood RATHER.
It felt as though it was raining on me.
I mean the blood kept flowing like water like dat.
Warm water though.
FUNNIEST THING WERE .
1) I called home.
2)I called work.
3)I TOOK PICTURES OF MYSELF
4)I sent it to alot of people!
5)I finally went to hospital.
6)I have friggin stitches GOD DAMMED
Anyways I'm so glad about 1 thing.
It does not matter much to me about how i am.
But about how i handled the situation.
And those who care.
And to someone especially.

Now I'm at home. And with 2 days MC

And the computers are all going crazy.
Darn I'm gonna bathe and sleep.
I need rest.
I believe i do.
My physical state has been pushed to its limits.
I'm just surprised after losing so much blood i dint faint.
HAHAS.

Ravey blogged @ 10/20/2008 10:18:00 PM

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Emotic.Loneliness.

Its kinda dumb.
To know and not to know.
To care and not to care.
To think and not to think.
To do what i want or follow how i feel.

Do you ever think when you're all alone.
Are you holding back like the way i do.
Ahh lols its not possible she wont even think about me.

I'm so bored and lonely.
This emptiness only i can fill
Looking back i think I've missed out on alot.
And i know. Its foolish. But somehow even as i go on now.
Its still not possible for me to change it.
I don't know why.. Its not pride or being scared.
Its un certainty.
Actually I'm fearing ain't it?
Why cant i just be "normal"
I want to go to school study and make friends and have fun.
But now I'm like watching people go to school while i sit at the bus stop going to work.
Or back.
When's my army going to start. I WANNA GET IT OVER WITH.
I really want to move along.
But somehow I'm like stuck between what i wanna do and what i have to do.
I've to be responsible but give up my wants.
O levels starting tomorrow.
All the best to all O level students.
Arghs I'm just so sick.
Mentally ill.But yet i don't want people to know or care.
I'm easily satisfied. But yet getting just someone to be there for you.
Is so hard already.
I'm emotional -.- Overly emotional.
And being alone.. With no help no one there makes it feel worse.
Have you ever been really alone when you've no one there for you.
You look on and you just don't feel like raising your head to see people.
You just wished that you could be with your friends or family?
I really don't know ...
Yesterday at the chalet..
I wanted to sleep. Had so many problems.
Memories are just so.There.
I mean its alright I'm getting over them
But now..
Even now being alone is whats that's hitting me hardest.
Even being around people
I'm still like an outcast.
I've goals i want to achieve.
But yet unable to achieve them is what that demoralises me.
And being stuck is even worse.

Looking back few days back
Vic said i was strong and "cool"
Its like gathering broken pieces of things and just shuff-ing it into a box.
And wrapping it up. Than you stand on it hoping it would be stable.
When you shake you can feel it giving way.
But you hold on and just endure.

That pain of endurance
Just feel like pieces of glasses pressing against you.
And just like you want to explode
But even as you explode
Its like nothing changes.
Still where you stood, Still stuck there.
Because reality is such.

You cant get away from it.

Sometimes i just look at people.
Those who are going to school and think
Do they really know how fortunate they are?

Ravey blogged @ 10/19/2008 08:50:00 PM

A night out.

Ohkayy i went cycling to Clementi for warm up to visit my grands.
Than i cycled back home took my stuff and went for serena's chalet.
Cycled there.
It was boring rather.
Guess I'm my loner self always by myself.
I dint sing a happy birthday for serena -.-
Was busy picking up people.
Ah and yesterday a guy said me a colleague of mine look compatible
WTF LA.
-.- I'm just nice but I'm not going to just listen to some idiot
Passing by asking me about my bicycle talk about love life or relationships so simply.
Ahh Jill what de fck were you thinking anyways -.- zzz
I relatively slept the night away.
Tired shag. Cycling drains me dry.
But i feel so much slimmer now xDD
So happy.

I don't know anything ba.
Just feel like stoning.
Did this "survey"
Results

-You're spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the one you love.
You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
Your love life will not be too great,
but eventually you'll find your soul mate.
Your life will take on a different direction,
it'll seem hard at times but will be the best thing for you,
you'll be glad for the change
You like adventure.
You're loyal to your friends and your lover
And you're very reversed

Ohhkkayyy.
That's all the crap for now
I've got to go cut hair later -.-
Don't know what to do.
Too many things running through my head already.
Hiaz. -.-
Maybe I'm still slightly drunk xD

Ravey blogged @ 10/19/2008 10:43:00 AM

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Uncertainties.

Today gg serena's chalet
Dont know if i wan really go or not.
I mean i dont really have mood to really "celebrate"
zzz see how ba anyways..
I now going to warm up my bike round 2
And i'll make my decision later.
Till than i might not blog till maybe tomorrow or late tonight .
I'm feeling rather blurred lately
So many uncertainities running through my head.

Who cares laterz~

Ravey blogged @ 10/18/2008 12:08:00 PM

Bombarded.

Awww guess i'm 1 min late to get to blog "yesterday"
Anyways it does not matter much to me.
Today went to work managed to finish whatsoever.
Than i went to check my bank. YAY GOT MONEY LE. ><
And i spent all of it -.-
I bought a bike. 1080 dollars.
Cool yarr? Got money just spend only.
Today i went to play maple doing question halfway DC FOR THE 3RD TIME.
Okay that's screwed I'm not gonna do this shit anymore.

Than i went out to cycle . Try out and warm up my bike.
Cycle for about 3 -4 hours. OMG I DINT EVEN KNOW I CYCLED FOR SO LONG LA.
Anyways the main thing was that i cycled to east coast.
And i recked up a whole lot of memories there.
That was the 5th time i met zhiwei.
And we were already together.
Still yea i went back there.To the places of memories.
To the place where promises were made
I wanted to shout.
I wanted to scream
I wanted to hate myself.
But its all done right?
No point right?
That disappointment just resided inside me.
And i decided like char said and i myself know.
Its time to move along.
Time and again I've tried and I'm inching my way across.
JY can do it de.
On the way back i got lost T_T.
But none the less it was a great workout.
Reaching back about 20 mins back i had leg crams that's when i realised
OMG I'VE BEEN CYCLING FOR SO LONG.
Zzzz Had to take a break.
Guess I've reached my physical limits LOL.
Pushed myself to fast and hard.

Tomorrow is Serena's birthday party.
I'll be there.
But till than I'm gonna dota and slack! woohoo!
Time to bathe.

I wonder why so many people i call or msg never pick or reply me de.
Hiaz nvm ba. -.- what to do.

OMG I'M BROKE!
lols =X

Ravey blogged @ 10/18/2008 12:00:00 AM

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Meeting the past.

Okay i stoned away my afternoon .
Went out to find vicky in the evening.
Gekky dint come . SHE WAS AT SPA.
Errr spa? = SPA SPA ? or Chem spa?
WADEVAA both also possible LOL.
Anyways. Met vick had a chat with her.
So fun la

Anyways i'm home already.
Vick said this
-Yea i dont read your blog... I know you're always thinking and like planning, worrying but as you always do, even in tough times,you still seem cool you know.
Yarr right i'm cool?

Zzzz lamed just i know i can avoid stress.
and she said my hair is as messy as ever.
And i love it . I LOVE SLOPPYYY
yay...
Gayed.
On the fone with her nows anyways
HAHA SHE MISSED HER BUS.
ORRBI. still walk so slow .
She said i look as usual to her.
Still the same. OOOO
i'm glad someone still recognises me.
Guess she see rarely see guys THATS WHY SHE CAN REMEMBER ME lol.
She also said that i look and behave the same (mannerism)
Thats good? I THINK?
She said i was one of a kinda. in a good way.
Wadeva lols i'm just glad i enjoyed myself today i think.
Hahahs i shall go play some games and than sleep.
Working tomorrow also -.-
ARRGHHS i don't wanna work T_T.
But still its my responsibility.
Its my boring cycle.
Lets get moving or I'll never make a move.

Ravey blogged @ 10/16/2008 08:31:00 PM

Wasting my life away.

Cant sleep properly sia.
My biological clock does not allow me to sleep long hours due to the frequency of days I've been waking up so early and sleeping short hours.
But somehow i managed to eventually wake up at 9! 2 hours of extra rest.
So proud of my "will power" to stay in bed LOLOL.

Slacking my morning away.
Jaslyn TNG said don't meet liao
2ND TIME ALREADY. Next time i wont ask her out liao. zzz
Anyways i maybe will be meeting vicky and gekky x]
hopefully la. =.=
Everythings lagging.
I'm lagging. The computer's laggin. The files are lagging. My song is lagging.
OMGGG i'm crazyyy T_T.
I don't know what to do anyways.
Singapore so small. No money no talk.
Nothing more alot less.
Life is so rigged zzz.

DOTA SUCKS.

Ravey blogged @ 10/16/2008 12:38:00 PM

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

1st month anniversary

108 days.
And now another month has passed.
Is this year passing too quickly?
Or is it me that wasting another year of my life away.

This blog going to be 1 month old in a few minutes time so I've decided to write a post.
I'm sleepy but cant really sleep.

The word forever bothers me.
The word perfect
The word love
The word limits
The word regret
Stupid words. Why must they have so many meanings.
Benjamin is still chasing julite.
Its 2? 3 years already?
And he's still so stubborn on her.
Cant give her up.
He has money . I dont. What can i do or say.

Talking to sylvie now.
x]] Decisions decisions.
What should i do.

HAPPY 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY BLOG!

Ravey blogged @ 10/15/2008 11:49:00 PM

Another hard day.

I dint think it was that serious to begin with.
But now i think its very bad.
I have SHORT TERM MEMORY LA.
Dammit and its seriously affecting me.
I always forget what I'm supposed to do.

Work today was havoc again.
The freaking occupancy is like 90% la
And i'm working alone topping up buffet and stuff and they still expect me to complete my work on time.
I rush against time liao lo.
No OT sommore ZZZZZ.
I spent 1 and a 1/2 hr DOING MY FRIGGIN BUFFET.
And what did i get in return?
EH WHY YOU AREA SO MESSY.
Eh faster top up this and that.
WTF LA How to do my job and complete my friggin task lo.
Nvm the worse part is that.
You got your pay yet?
Haven what they already said.
THIS COMING FRIDAY.
why everyone asking me to get money go cut hair.
SHIT THEM LA.
Frustrating sia.
Finished at 430 today..

Went to collect my NYDC pay. 200++ only
Alot of new people alot of differences.
NYDC sucks la they still ask me go back.
Zzzz i don't want to see so many people still ask me back.
Though i really want the job.
Struggle all i can.
I'll make it through I'm confident i can.

Just that I'm so tired and confused right now.
So dam tired. Physically emotionally and psychologically.
Mentally unstable liaos.
Heartaches . Mind breaks.
Gimmi a break.
I'm not that "simple"

I miss someone.

I just think about her.

I'm waiting. Time is passing quickly yet slowly
Dreadful.

But it cant be afforded to be wasted.

Every second counts.

But we must not be calculative.
Or life would be totally twisted.

I just wish her all the best.For now.
And till laters.

If i was to die.

I would remember all the happy moments.

All the things that had made me who i am.

And the people who are important to me.

And those i love.

Who cares what has happened.

I dont care? I forgive. Not forgotten yet though.

But still. Its something i'm dealing with. Deep inside.

Slowly..

Ravey blogged @ 10/15/2008 08:07:00 PM

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Professionalism?

Talked about professionalism.
Don't know anything la.
Speed , efficiency and top notch quality.
Contradicting ain't it?
Anyways...

Hilda you not so smiley person.
Don't lie to me i can sense it.
NYDC bugis is falling apart.
Feel so bad .
If i was there maybe i could hold everyone together.
But its my decision.

Its like my girlfriend.
I can go back to her. She can accept me or not to.
If she does would it be the same?
If it was the same so what?
And if not whats the difference?

Aii ya i just don't want to enter my past anymore la.
Its moving on and finding new things that matter learn new stuff.
Not that I'm saying that ZW was my 1st gf to learn.
But she was the one that gave me up.
Oh wells. A mistake = a lesson learnt.
A painful downfall = a lesson well learnt.

I've got estacy.
Just 1 though can get me psyched up.
Cant wait for time to pass.
I'm waiting..
Always was.
Always have been.
And I'm still waiting.
Time will tell.
Hopefully it'll be good.

Ravey blogged @ 10/14/2008 07:04:00 PM

Monday, October 13, 2008

Dedicated to charmaine.

Someone once said
Forever does not exist.
Another person said.
Forever means till i die.

What does FOREVER mean than?
Charmaine dropped by my blog LOL.
And she said this to me.
PAUL YOUR BLOG GOT BUTTERFLY.Can choose a blogskin more MAN annot?
T_T.
So bad right! LOLOLOL.

- Cheer up la huh, emo for what. The world wont feel emo for you, so just be happy and get on with life! :) smile la. Okay i go mug le wish me good luck!

Everyone's asking me to smile
Even at my work place -.-
Paul smile let me see how you look like.
Diaoo!! Guess its really rare?
Naww~
Was kinda shocked to see charmaine msg me anyways so i'm dedicating this post to her.
Thanks for dropping by ^^

Ravey blogged @ 10/13/2008 09:24:00 PM

Bored

Today go work so bored.
Today finish work so bored.
Today working so bored.
Today ended work late AGAIN.
SHITTY LA .
Nvr minds at least a had abit of laughter.
Today tio gan for so many things again
But people only scold me once only.

There isin't a 2nd time o.0
Anyways now talking to 1 very wacko girl thats shouting on msn .
Through her mic. Dont need guess who de.
Crazie person =.=

Bored i wanna slack -.-
Sleep and STONE.
Till laterz~ I dont know what i wanna do its like a stupid cycle everyday.

Ravey blogged @ 10/13/2008 05:21:00 PM

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Another day gone

Today wake up go work.
Finish on time again.
Today more fun cas i decided to take things into my own hands.
Okay la its easy if you know what you need and got to do and when you do it.
Its a totally new level.

Today i keep thinking about her la.
She just came to my mind and like knock on my door.
Hello, can i mesmerise you today? LOL
Okay those are "fantasies" or just wacko "love disorder"
DARNS ! lololol x]]

Now i'm slacking.
They asked me to cut my hair.
But i don't want to.

I want to see her again.
I really do.
Stop appearing in my mind plz =x LOL
But appear in my life.

K i shall stop crapping i dont know what to say.
Just that i hope that i wish i had more friends.

Ravey blogged @ 10/12/2008 06:34:00 PM

Saturday, October 11, 2008

A day of accumplishment!

Today woke up late at around 7 got to work on time anyways.
Today work dam easy sia
FOR THE 1ST TIME I COMPLETED SO DAM EARLY LA
Anyways. Than in the afternoon i like kana "fk" by my "boss"
Zzzz keep find problem with me sia
Wanted to quit than he like give me the don't quit attitude.
Anyways i was in a good mood anyways.
And someone told me if i organise properly like today.
Everyday sure dam easy one.

Ahh I'm getting along soo fine now I'm so happy la.
But i feel so lonely.
Its just that i want to enjoy working.
But now I'm working for money.Not for anything else.
If I'm continuing.
I really want to get a evening job.
Till i can get my 2nd job.
Than maybe life could be easier?
Hopefully ba...

I'm in the midst of confusion.
Responsibility and Promises.
It all seems to be in place.
It's just how i carry it out.

What do i want?
Time? Money? Experience?
But in fact.
I only want. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
x]
Hehe <33

Ravey blogged @ 10/11/2008 06:34:00 PM

Friday, October 10, 2008

End of the road? again?

Today i started off great.
I woke up, bathed, rested
Was abit late.
BUT i still caught my bus LOL.
Than on bus intended to rest as usual
But mob.tv had this interesting video.
About "drop outs" or so called "paikias"
Got chance must watch really relates to alot of people.
WHATS THE POINT?

Today reach work so happy hamburger + french fries for breakfast xD
I ate 1/4 of the tray of fries la =x
SHHH secret =x

Work was supposed to be fast la.
But in the end?
They push me till i end at 5 again.
Fk lo.
I wan quit le la
I work for 2 weeks. Still don't get it.
I don't even have passion for this shit lo.
I don't get to serve customers, Socialise, Or anything la.
Only the money is good.
But i counted. At the rate I'm going i rather not work lo.
I'm waking so god dam early just to go work and shit around there?
Naw I'm really considering.
I really feel like quitting
Its my own fault.
I've to bear my own responsibilities.
They've already laid down the rules.
I've decided to go with my flow.

Recently play dota keep losing.
Today play maple go zakum FAIL - Due to lag.
Today overall performance below avg.
AS USUAL

Nothing much else to say.
I just want to know what to do.
I want to be instructed.I prefer being pushed.
Or i do everything at my own pace.
I mean quality and speed?
They don't mix seriously.
Food is something you put your heart into it while preparing it.
But now its like you're preparing the food for the job
For from the heart.
Its not my kinda thing.

Dreams , Reality , Passion , Desire , Wants , Needs , Necessities , Financial.
All these things bother me.
I've to make a step.
A bothersome one.
Make up your mind.
If its not something you want to do
You'll never do it well.
Maybe its something i wanna do.
But i want to put my heart into it.
Not working for the sake of working.

Ravey blogged @ 10/10/2008 08:37:00 PM

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Easy? Guess again! NOT!

Today went work quite happily.
Tot can finish on time.
Who knows ending that time i was shit loaded with things people threw away for me.
Not i dint want to clear.
I had no time -.-
I had to clear and set up?
Shit man next time i just do what i wanna do den clear la.
Than now i also dam tired of my stupid job dam sian la
Always working extra -.-

I don't even know what i wanna do la.
I just wanna slack. I wanna go army and come out study.
Screw this la i don't wanna go work like dog like dat.
Stupid lo i don't wanna live like that.

I'm thinking of someone right now.
But i don't know la.
People say things w/o meaning.
Without feelings. Without any intention.
So what should i really believe?
"Someone like you."
I could be that person.
But probably i don't stand a chance in the role, would i?

Dota.
Win 1 game lose 2 games.
Why?
Everyone is playing for themselves no teamwork.
I'm trying to co-ordinate .
No one listens.
Screw this.

Whats a perfect boyfriend.
My ex said i was.
I told her straight away.
But I'll do my best. I'll try to be.
Twisted events.
Twisted words and endings.
It still ended up with me always losing.
Losing is not something i mind
But losing something which i get falsely accused of and just trampled on.
Its just too much to handle right?

I don't wanna go back to wordy blogs.
They entrusted me with this job.
I'm entrusting them with my time effort and efficiency.
Can i make it?
Even if i cant I'll do my best.
But how long can i really last?
I'm wearing out.
I wonder if i was still in a relationship.
Where would i be right now..

I miss her.
I really do.
She mesmerises me all the time.
A dream become reality.
But is this dream to much for me to handle?
Time might tell.
Time will tell.
And once again.
Hearts and feelings will be hurt.
Decisions to make.
Choices to take.

Ravey blogged @ 10/09/2008 08:19:00 PM

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Boredrem

This emptiness inside of me.
The loneliness.
Suddenly i had this thought of love.
But somehow I'm hiding that feeling away.

Can say this is one of my worse stoning and loner day.
I really don't know what to do and somehow whatever i do seems so boring or stupid
I don't wanna game.
But i don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna stay at home
But i don't wanna spend money.
So i spent my entire day at home doing nothing
Pure nothing i dint gain anything.
Probably only lost valuable time.

People say after you enter army you'll become a man.
I'm gg 18
Every boy becomes a man at 18 when he enters army and changes.
Am i ready?
Am i going to become someone better?
Why do i feel so held back and left out?

Tomorrow working again.
But somehow inside of me i don't wanna do anything.
If you need me call me.
If you don't need me just put me in a corner and open me up when you need me.
Its like a tool.

Today is just a super boring day.
Time passing so slowly
Yet inside me feels its flying so quickly
I mean my mental state is like time is passing so fast.
But my physical state is so restless -.-
Darn why did i have to divide myself up -.-
Everything seems so dead.
I feel so lifeless.
I'm following a cycle.
I've no life and yet I'm trying to prove something that's not even really me.

Right wrong.
Time passes.
I sit alone dazing into the open.
Out into the empty space.
I look behind me.
I see this girl.
I ask myself if she wants me would i go?
Is that really called love?
Or would i look ahead and walk back out into the boredom of life?
I turn but she's gone.
Another person walks by.
And another.
All these people are all old already
These dad's and mom's
I don't see anyone anymore.
Where am i?
Why am i in the wrong group?
Questions run through the mind.

A friend, An online friend comes.
You know her you recognise her.
Because you like her for a very long time already.
I like her i really do.
She's really like a dream.
But she's not interested.
I watch her pass.
She does not even remember me.
Forgotten. Just passing by another stranger.
You start to wonder what am i really doing?
What are you looking for?
Why do you want to live?
Sadness and this plain field ahead.
"treat others how you want others to treat you"
"Who cares what you think you are you make yourself happy"
But whats happiness?
Where, How can you achieve it?

Whats love to you?

Just another passing day.
Time passes
The sky darkens.
And tomorrow the sun will rise again.
Is it going to be another cycle of life?
Following the wind..
I'm tired..
I don't want this anymore.
What can i do. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Squinting on.
Age-ing happens.
You start to see whats the meaning and you start to understand life.
But is understanding and knowing gonna get you through?
Whats gone is gone.
Its gone.

Just another emo-ing day.

Ravey blogged @ 10/08/2008 07:29:00 PM

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Today i cleared almost all my "job" b4 lunch
Was so dam happy..
After lunch was like WTF? why suddenly 4 things to do take like 3 hours?
SHIT LA.
Ended at 4+ -.-
Suah never mind next time i do things on my own dont care what ppl think le.
Delay me here and there
Nvm la learning process. -.-
Open your eyes and LEARN and grow.
Its a cycle so its quite easy to remember.

Tomorrow off day.
Dont know what to do again.
What now =/
Nothing to do sia
Hiaz. Feel like dying.

Emo..

Ravey blogged @ 10/07/2008 05:07:00 PM

Monday, October 6, 2008

Work = Hell = My home

Just came back from hell
Supposed to end at 3 but at 5 den finish.
Hiaz never mind I'M LEARNING.
I know how to cut fruits le x]]
Dont think its like OMG who dont know how cut fruits soo ez.
Zzz but when you're really preparing it for people
You must taste.
Arrange and prepare and go fridge take etc.
God it takes forever.
And they say i'm messy?
I'M JUST FORGETFUL LAAA =X
Excuses xD

Tio scold like shit la.
I'm not a liar i said i know how to fry an egg.
But not to your friggin standard right?
I mean who gives a shit you know what you're doing and cooking ma.
But when you prepare for people different case right?
LOL turned out like shit =x
But at least i tried right?
You asked what =x

Hiaz i've so many things to remember la.
Kns I was never even taught la. I had to learn myself lo.
Monday/ Wed
Tuesday/Thurs/ Sat
Friday/ Sun
Rotation food meals and quality.
KNS la i still got so many things to do.
Like wan give up sia.
But i'm not feeling stressed just dam relaxed but always tio "F&*^" la
LOL
Gimmi 2 more days and i'll be good i promise x]

Procedure.
Go fridge take fruits(today) and dim sum(tomorrow)
Bring them up Check buffet, Settle chinese condiments by 830
Cut fruits and plate till 915 + fruit platter.
Settle cheese platter by 930-35.
Settle cold cuts. 940-10.00
Check buffet inbetween ++

Things completed 1030.
Complete packing buffet go lunch come back 12noon.++
Settle Dimsums for tomorrow.+ pack fridge or w/e shit.
Prepare condiments for all other things and settle.
GG.
Thursday, Fri, Sat.
Thursday stand watever you can for friday.
Friday prepare extra 2 fruit platters.
Sat prepare more fruits and dimsum - EVERYTHING ALSO MORE LA.
Sunday -> GO DIE X]]

Biang eh go work = Accuracy, Quality, Speed, Strength and Compromising ++
Sianz sia though money alot.
Its freaking draining.
But somehow i don't feel tired after work one lei.
Only feet pain.
I CANNOT WEAR LEATHER SHOES LA -.-

Sianz la i don't know what i wanna do now -.-

Ravey blogged @ 10/06/2008 06:09:00 PM

Sunday, October 5, 2008

day 9

Eh is it just me or is time flying very fast?
I'VE WORKED 9 DAYS ALREADY? wtf?
Shit man so fast -.-
9 days of work 500++ dollars le OMG RIGHT? lolxx~ x]

Today got scolded for nothing again.
Why always scold me for things i dint do.
Never mind i just ignore only.
Not just ignore i HELPED them settle what they've misplaced and missed out.
And yet they still say i dont do my job properly and on time?
Excuse me I ALWAYS FINISH ON TIME.
Only that i dint know i must prepare extra dishes of fruits on friday.
Like that also want to say me?
I dont know you never say and you expect me to know
You spoonfeed me and ask me to pick the spoon and feed myself.
How i know where to even get the prep or even know what i'm supposed to prepare.
Never mind just reflecting on my day . x]]

Jaslyn Tng You very funny lei.
LOLS its very much enjoyed.
Entertaining xD
Ahh i'm so looking forward to getting my pay x]]
And also finding a night job. =/ People say i no life.
People say i'm from JC. LOL
But reality is.
I'm who i am x] Thats all.

Oh and i'm a disabled person! or so they claim.
I've STM and hearing problems.
Must give me more "chance" k ? LOL

Ravey blogged @ 10/05/2008 06:37:00 PM

Saturday, October 4, 2008

mood swing

Brother and sister alike.
Both also don't like to listen and use brain one.
WTF i said i'm not in a good mood.
So don't FUCK around with me.
C"B don't understand English izzit?
Anyways i cant be bothered.

Reflecting on todays work.
Eric aka someone that has the same name of someone i hate to the core.
And seriously discriminate and hate.
(made me realised 3 things)
1)People are not the same. Everyone is not the same. You can have to same name, Same looks, Same things. But they're definitely not the same
2)I'm not alone.
3)Know what you want and wanna do Ask if you're not sure.

Somehow he managed to figure out my Characteristics.
Not bad sia. Interesting.
He said i came from a rich family.
From my actions and characteristics.
He was about to say clothes
BUT everything is i own self buy de. o.0
Haha I'm weird -.-
If i switch i bet he wont know me.

Damn friggin annoyed with someone.
He's slow in the head that never mind.
But someone who NEVER USE BRAIN?
Answering a question.
If its a sensitive question.
Or something which will insult the other party.
You still press on and say you're right?
Ya fine you're right i'm not pissed what so ever.
I'm cool i don't care actually or at all but you just want to be right?
You want to be correct den be lo
I don't care de.
Go prove to everyone.
I don't mind losing at all.

Ravey blogged @ 10/04/2008 09:37:00 PM

11 hours of work

Cycles repeat themselves.
Days are endless.
Work is tiring.
Tomorrow working 10 hours.
Today see the amount i earn makes my feet ache worth it.
My heart rejoices x]
Hiaz my expenditure is going to go up.
So many things to buy so many things on my mind.
Can officially say i'm going mad.
I want to sleep by 930pm daily but wah lau its dam early la.
Next week working 6 days again.
But than i really want a night job, shit man.
I'll really need to hunt le....

Thought of working at NYDC again.
But will it work out?
I don't know -.- I somehow don't know what I'm thinking.
I just want to work at night or evening till night.
Hiaz.Go where find neh.
What to do -.-

Ravey blogged @ 10/04/2008 07:17:00 PM

Friday, October 3, 2008

empty

I had 2 dreams last night.
Dreamt of my ex and Someone LOSING SOMETHING.
Lols.

Went to work today.
Today so rush -.- ZZZ
Can die sia -.- Than tio delay by some stupid THING in the kitchen.
LOL dam big la.
Work is getting easier yet "harder"
My feet ache -.-
Frustrating sia.
Somewhere inside me wants to go work at NYDC again at night.
But i don't know la... Hiaz.

Sianzations tml working 11 hrs.
hahas =/
Now also nothing to do.
I'll slack arnd and wait for Jaslyn to talk to me x]]

Realise nothing much to post already.
Speechles

Ravey blogged @ 10/03/2008 06:29:00 PM

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Thursday's after draft.

Went to work today.
WAS SUPER SURPRISED when they said i was WORKING ALONE.
Lucky today quite easy x]]
HAHA's =/
Wells i sorta worked "hard" cas i'm working alone.
But super fun lei. Knowing what to do at my own pace making sure i'm doing everything correctly
And spending my time wisely so i don't have to do extra "work"
Ended at 4.
Had my shower as usual.

After that i went to job hunt.
Actually it was cas Lynn called me that's why i decided to.
Like someone call me o.0 den got motivation.
I went down to forum.
Secret recipe was Hiring.
Called Charmaine and talked to her.
She's studying v hard for O's all the best to her x]
Anyways she said just go enquire.
I did. They just gave me a form and ask me to fill in.
Than they said if they "need" me they'll call me
WTF? I working 1 job already den if i work another i need squeeze time.
Than if i gonna "dedicate" myself to sweet recipe and they cant give me my work schedule.
Than there's really no point is there? -.-
All the more they've crappy attire.

Whateva. =/
My computer has crashed using another one now.
Hopefully no one starts shouting at me.
I'm dam sian and tired.
Don't know what i wanna do anyways.
What should i do?
I wish i was working now.
Earning money instead of stoning at home dazing around wasting time away.

Char said: Your body can take it ma? Later sick how. o.0
Hahas. That's what i like about talking to her she "cares"
Not saying others don't just that sometimes its hard to really "care"

But when everything is wrong / hard or we get cornered.
We still have to move along and get find a way.
I've been visioning things again.
Sianzations.
Dreams, Visions, But no feel.
Lynn said follow your heart and find the way.
My heart already died...
I think it has.. No feel..
Stabb me someone. Den i wont have to go through the pain and suffering.
Hahas. Tomorrow is gonna be abit hectic.
I'll do what i can

I'm trying to forget.

But sometimes i just pass by some people.

They look so like her.
I just cant help but remember.

What am i doing stuck in this stupid scenario

She left leaving me with nothing to say.

If we are together again.
It'd be probably sympathy instead of love.

I understand that feeling.
That no love feeling.
The desire the want and the frustration being stuck.

We're all still young we want more "experience"
More time.
Just more of everything.

Maybe you do but i don't.

I was happy.
You were my happiness.

Its all gone now ain't it why am i still recking it up?

Because maybe i was serious and you just scarred me too badly?

But i know if I've another lover.
If i fall in love again.

I'll get over you.
But I'll never forget..

Hopefully only the happy times are remembered
But sometimes, its just the misery and sadness of getting betrayed.

And hurt by the person you loved the most.

Everyone seems to be changing and moving on.

Physically I'm moving.
Psychologically I'm moving bit by bit.

But still I'm stuck in this world of sadness.

What more can i say.

I'm just depressed.

Ravey blogged @ 10/02/2008 06:49:00 PM