Sunday, November 30, 2008
fuck catan ^^
Today i had hell at work again.
Stupid Catan
FREAKING RETARDED.
Everything he also wan tiptop
Just because his boss there he want put up a good show.
Eh f**** him la hor.
I purposely say very loudly his intentions infront of the boss.
Lols dam funny la.
But end up also nothing happen! SIAN -.-.
Stupid Catan think what sia -.- Executive chef i scared?
I don't give a shit la hor.
Anyways. I lend another friend money again.
Sians really la wtf -.-
Messaged her today.
Hahas she said she'll find time for me.
Sometime some when somehow.
I don't really "believe" her
But oh wells I'll hold her to her word.
Its her decision afterall ^^
A day that was so freaking stressful and stupid.
A day that was such a waste of my time.
A day that i decide to take another step forward.
A day which I'll remember.
A day which started horribly
But ends with happy memories. ^^
Ravey blogged @ 11/30/2008 11:02:00 PM
Saturday, November 29, 2008
10 hours.
If i was a female i'd probably just tell any guy if i liked him or something.
I think?
If i was pretty or something.
LOL. Anyways. Its like you always see anime or shows.
That girls tell their guys they like them and run away.
But somehow i dont know about it the other way round.
Hahas.
I'm crazy.
Today worked for 10 hours
And i'm supposed to go lan gaming tonight
Can i survive annot
Next week they put me working 6 days again -.-
Pushing their luck to far already le ba -.-
I dont wanna work so hard.
I need a break , I want a break.
I want to see Charmaine.
Thats all.
Ravey blogged @ 11/29/2008 09:04:00 PM
Friday, November 28, 2008
Char char ^^
Talking to the person i like right now
Should i tell her that i like her?
She's like so pissed because of what happened at work today.
So funny , so cute , agitated.
Its so her la.
Kinda scary though LOLOLOL.
But its alright.
That's her personality.
AHHH i dint tell her.
BUT I ASKED HER OUT.
I really wanted to tell her.
But than again i could not say so
I'm sorry.
Charmaine.
Dont angry le k? ^^
Ravey blogged @ 11/28/2008 11:06:00 PM
I'm going to do it. Soon.
I dont believe in alot of things.
I dont believe in the shit you say.
I dont believe in what you do.
I dont believe what you try to show me.
I dont believe the things that's in front of me.
I only believe in what i see, do, commit myself to.
And accomplish what i can.
People tell me to just do it.
And i'll be proud.
My cousin told me this.
If you're going to risk it all.
Lose it all, Give it all.
Than at the same time try to have it all.
I mean if its the last thing you're going to do in life?
Make it memorable and yourself happy right?
Probably its not the last thing I'm gonna do in life.
But its something that means alot to me.
Am i going to risk and lose it?
Or going to go the hard way and find out?
Proud of what? I'm not proud.
I prefer to keep quiet.
Its a personal boundary.
A personal push on in life.
Move faster.
Think faster.
React faster.
Accomplish what you need to do.
And go on.
If its not you. I dont know who already.
But its something i want to find out.
Its something i wanna know.
Its something i want you to know.
That i like you and i'm not afraid to let you know.
But its because i care. But does hiding or fear of rejection going to stop me?
Maybe? I wont allow it.
I just need a chance.
1 chance.But i'm always not given any.
Would you give me that chance that no one else would?
Or is it a waste of time? For someone like me
But love has no boundaries. No restrictions.
No gender No age Its not allocated.
Its found inside. We do it because we want to.
I don't wish to force you.
But i just want to let you know i think i love you.
Today i stoned at home the whole day.
Today i went cycling.
Today i pushed myself to a higher level.
I'm happy.
But i'm not satisified enough
There's more to this aint there.
Lets find out my true potential and unleash it.
For real.
Forever and let everyone know.
I can do it.
Not to show off.
But to be able to help those who need help.
Ravey blogged @ 11/28/2008 09:07:00 PM
Thursday, November 27, 2008
I HATE WORKING ON THRUSDAYS AND FRIDAYS.
Today i ended working at 530
New record going home so late while being so experienced.
What to do got something new and some stupid new recipe
Hiaz. Walked around Orchard.
Nothing to see.
Came home.
Stoning reading a comic about "love"
GG to stone.
Laterz.
God is everything predestined?
If it is what is my destiny.
If you know what i'm going to do.
What i'm going to say.
Whats going to happen.
Why are you still "letting us decide"
This body is a vessel.
Without the brain its useless.
We're like souls imputted into these vessels.
And used.
This world is getting corrupted.
And i'm getting impatient.
What should i do.
I'm just stuck.
And lost.
Tired and depressed.
Ravey blogged @ 11/27/2008 08:20:00 PM
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
wednesday. Confused, upset, Tired. and lost.
if u cant get it means its not yours la
If you cant forget.
Learn to forget.
If you're in pain.
Forget the pain.
If you're getting scolded or depressed?
Forget the past and just pretend and just live each day?
Forget.. And forget..
I dont wanna forget already.
I want to remember.
Why cant i remember anything happy or anything.
Why cant i remember.
Depression. Emotional. -.-
Just let time pass.
Follow the wind.
Follow nature.
And maybe down the road. Find someone.
Anyone.
Or maybe no one.
Whats love again i ask.
I really dont know.
I believed. I tried. I did it.
But it was not what i thought it was.
Lies. Promises broken ?
My choice? Never mind.
I dont have a choice.
life sucks.,
Ravey blogged @ 11/26/2008 06:48:00 PM
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
bored
Today was stupid la
I woke up on time. <3
Anyways. Work was supposed to end on time.
But stayed back to help some people.
Cas gay boy wanted to help.
I stay help also lo.
Than wan go that time.
Chef say wan rowcall.
Sian den kana delay.
Than talk about all the shit about thanksgiving and etc.
Hiaz. festive season coming le.
And i'll be spending it alone
As usual. LOL
Anyways he wants me to be more productive and etc -.-
Wadeva Than after finally left got a drink with gay boii.
Than went back home.
I dont know la today just dam screwy la.
Cant get anything in my mind straight.
Dont know what i thinking or anything also
Hiaz.
Sianzations
Ravey blogged @ 11/25/2008 09:10:00 PM
Monday, November 24, 2008
Happy ? sad? excited? Or just letting go
I'm like on the verge of giving up.
I'm trying but she's not giving me a chance
Or is there really no fate?
Or are those just excuses.
Everytime i just think about everything.
I just wanna just sit down and just stone.
And just blank myself out.
My phone is fixed i lost alot of numbers.
But i dont really care.
Who cares? really.
Nobody gives a shit about whether i exists or not.
Seriously i bet few even read my blog now.
But it does not matter does it
Who cares again?
I do ? Maybe abit.
Hahas. Work is really enjoyable.
If you do it properly.
And you work with the right people.
I'm starting to doubt all other possibilities
And i'm starting to rely on myself.
Maybe i have been.
But now
Its all on my self.
Me myself and I.
Looking back at those days?
I dont remember anything already.
I'm probably to depressed.
But than again seriously?
I want to love someone.
Whoever it is does not matter.
As long as not ugly or fucked up.
But it depends on one self.
Than again it depends on me.
What am i going to do?
hiaz. Decisions are so hard to make.
I'm about to go crazy...
Ravey blogged @ 11/24/2008 07:47:00 PM
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunday. Over and out.
They say you cant cure a "broken heart" with medicine.
But what is it really? Is it really a broken heart?
Or just a mental breakdown?
I'm going crazy -.- I miss her so much i dont even know why.
I want to tell her but than..
I wonder how's she doing now.
But i dont message or even call her.
I know she probably wont reply me anyways.
Gay boy said if a girl is interested in you.
She'll reply ur messages.
But she does not even reply mine.
Hiaz. The words that were used are like mind games.
But than again it could be straight to the point.
She probably likes someone else.
I'm not a subsitute.
Neither am i a great guy.
I just want to help those who are in need of help.
Talked to my "boss" today.
He asked me about what i wanna be.
I said a psychologist.
He termed a psychologist as a doctor.
Hey i'm gonna be called a Doctor if i really achieve my goal?
Cool? LOL =x
Working the whole of next week. cept friday.
Somehow it feels as though i've said this already.
But i dont remember.
I'm just broken.
Inside.
I wanna call you.
I wanna tell you.
I wanna let you know.
I wanna be there.
I want to see you smile.
Ravey blogged @ 11/23/2008 07:52:00 PM
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Wc3 down! omg boring -.-
Sorrie leslie my WC3 GOT PROBLEM
wtf man -.-
Anyways lets not crap
Today supposed to go out with someone but than again..
Hiaz cant make it.Never mind ba.
Hiazzzz.
Today wake up early. Cant dota cant do anything.
I go maple lo -.- o.0 =x
HIAZ (again).
Dont know how i passed my day.
Anyways i tried cycling.
Cant do it la.
Exhausted within like 3 mins -.-
Turn back to head home.
Early evening i went down to slack.
Japanese kids are so funny.
They cant speak english.
I helped them pick up their shuttlecock from the fence.
They said VERY VERY thank you.
Lols =x VERY VERY welcome. x]
At least mine make sense . lawls.
Went for a 3-5 mins swim?
Cut my hair AGAIN. -.-
Hiaz. money fly away so easily sia.
Than again. Tomorrow i'm working.
I dont know how i passed today.
But than again i'm glad i dint meet up with _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
Cas i'm sick =/
Hahas she said she does not read my blog liao. Should i trust her?
Should i even say this .
LOL if she reads this she'll definately know everything.
But.. I've nothing to hide right?
Probably just everything to lose.
Ravey blogged @ 11/22/2008 09:19:00 PM
Friday, November 21, 2008
Flu again.
Managed to wake up on time.
Fortunately.
Sheesh i slept with air con. >< =x
Okays that bad.
Today work got flu -.-
So horrible T_T
Today ended work at like err 4+?!
Sheesh i tot by 330 can end.
Than alot of nonsense happened.
Than the oysters were rejected etc.
Fridays are the worse days to work. -.-
Saturdays too.
Heng i not working tomorrow .
Its gonna be hell.
Leslie borrowed money from me again.
Hiaz. -.-
I should become loan shark better can charge high interest ^^
Lols.
I'm still thinking.
I'm still waiting.
For you to make a decision.
And allow me into your life.
Ravey blogged @ 11/21/2008 05:40:00 PM
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Closer to my answer.
Today this morning woke up at 7+
What the sheet.
Never mind i just started gaming.
Okay play till about 11+ OMG ITS STILL MORNING?
Zzz time passes so slowly! WHY SIA -.-
Go online talk to some people.
Hahas.. I really wanna know.
I really wanna know but i wont allow it.
Than again. I put the pressure upon her.
Suah forget it never mind.
I'm sorry.
Than i wasted my afternoon away.
Ate KFC for lunch.
Met my god sis.
Travelled all the way to pasir ris. E hub.
There nothing de.
But oh wells. For "her sake"
Watched madagascar 2.
It was hillarious la.
Hahas lame. And retarded just the way i like it.
Ate BURGER KING FOR DINNER.
So lame la. -.-
Think i'm forgetting to post some things but oh wells~
Ravey blogged @ 11/20/2008 09:24:00 PM
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Audio equ = 200dollars!?
Today I had quite an exciting morning.
Wont say why.
Just feel that someone is trying to be hard to get.
But none the less its not getting my hopes high.
Neither am i feeling the lowest.
Went out with my sister.
Rather say i brought her out.
Dhoby. Ate burger king.
Whopper burger with more pickles and onions please.
The person was like.
NO PICKLES AND ONIONS?
Than i said. MORE.
She give me that huh look.
And said okay so whopper burger meal no up size with more pickles and onions.
Yes thats right.
Nvm lols.
Got my sister some lame meal. I dont know i dont really fancy fast food.
Unhealthy and "quite costly"
LOL =x
Anyways. Wanted to watch movie.
But than my stupid sister dont want.
Seriously?
I think i go out on my own better.
Than i can just stone.
-.- Annoying sia. Now i know why i rather be alone.
Nvm we went to walk walk.
Watched "walle" and went to buy some audio components =x
200 DOLLARS TOTAL SPENT TODAY.
Sheesh ><
Than go home.
It started to rain heavily.
Hiaz. I gave my sister my jacket to cover off the rain.
So nice of me right? LOL =X
Oh and my sister robbed me my money at starbucks.
And she said her latte tasted aweful
Dont know her stupid drink cost how much den still wanna complain.
Hiaz. -.- kids.
Came home.
Installed my audio stuff.
Not bad la. But still sounds abit normal
But can tell its better. x]
Wells its price speaks alot right? =/
Debated about "love" online today with someone older than me.
So fun la!
I won x] and i made her say true or not.
but she said.
I say true and not true. Oh wells.
It was quite annoying listening to her say things i dint say.
But than again
I used her points against her and than countered with my own x]
Debates are so fun.
But i definately need to improve my english!
Can quite spell some words right and etc.
Pudge wars and Dota win both games.
Hmm maple still down i wanna see the new job.
Actually i havent tried. Will go try now.
Tomorrow thursday my 2nd off day.
What should i do.
Hiaz. Supposed to meet my godsis.
Probably forget ^^ lols.
Ravey blogged @ 11/19/2008 10:08:00 PM
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
2 days away.
Today i managed to finish work on time.
Yay today and tomorrow off.
But than again what am i going to do?
Just looking through somethings.
Hmmm people seem to have alot of things to hide.
And here i'm being stuck in my own thoughts did i do the right thing?
I wanna just confess but than again i know that she does not have a spot for me in her heart.
I think.
Most probably the possibilities are like so dam low.
But than again. Its her decision to think
At least the most we can be closer friends?
I dont know hiaz.
But do i really "love" her?
I mean i just keep thinking about her thats all right?
Anyways today i went to Hereen to slack
Sian no one to see or talk to.
Decided not to eat.
Nothing much to eat anyways.
And the thought of spending money turns me off seriously
LOL.
Went to cine bought kfc and came home.
Now having alot of flashbacks
Annoying -.-
Ravey blogged @ 11/18/2008 05:45:00 PM
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tiring day. And another day ahead comes.
Realised i dint post today.
Hahahs.. Never mind at least i'm posting now.
Work was fine.
Managed to do rush and complete everything and get everything done.
Hehs.
Tml occupancy rate also going to be high.
I must get myself prepared.
Deep inside of me feels stupid.
Deep inside of me dont know what i should do.
Deep inside of me aint feeling the way i'm supposed to.
I'm distracted.
I cant seem to concentrate on anything.
I'm feeding myself with lies, again.
But its okay for now. I hope.
I just wanna pull through this moment.
Dota today. Lose all games.
Maple today win all games.
Sleepy. Everyone's giving me their support.
Why... I'm not desperate.
I'm just lonely.
I'm not crazy.
I'm "depressed" i hope.
Its still early. But i'm gonna sleep
Ravey blogged @ 11/17/2008 08:46:00 PM
Sunday, November 16, 2008
What should i DO?
To confess or not to confess
Talked to charmaine today.
She said this . Just be friends.
For now? Or till the end of time?
I really dont know.
But than again it was kinda funny conversation.
Thinking about her now.
What should i really do.
I dont want to let her slip away.
But i dont want to hold her to myself.
There are so many guys out there.
Like so many other girls.
Why must i stick to her.
Or why should she choose me?
Afterall i'm going to NS soon.
Kinda sucks no matter how i think about it.
Depressed again.
But it does not really hurt.
Cas i know what are the only 3 "options"
There were always these 3 options but i just wanna say.
1 just confess.
2 just hang on.
3 just give up
Well i've tried 3 . But than again i still could not control my feelings.
I'm hanging on.
And i've almost confessed but i stopped because i found it stupid.
But love is blind and stupid at times right?
Than i thought. If i get her.
She needs to study.
She goes to school and see so many other guys.
Would that really be good for her?
How much will she love me?
How much can she tolerate and hold?
How much can i do and sacrifice and devote myself.
I need to get myself straight and right.
What should i do..
I really dont know.
Hiaz stupid me.
Ravey blogged @ 11/16/2008 10:51:00 PM
Sunday
Today work was fine.
Managed to hold out and hold in.
Talked to Clarence about my job.
Apparently people jump the one i'm doing every 3 weeks lol.
People cant ususally tolerate it.
Being pressed ><
Guess i'm cool under pressure.
Lol..
Watching this "love anime" now
Hmmm kinda cool.
But than again if only it could be like this right?
Hahaha.. I wish there was someone who could be there by me
With me. Physcially too.
Moral and psychological support.
But oh wells its only an anime.
Lets not "fantasise" about what that can happen or hopefully can happen.
Hiaz. Abit depressed . My phone spoilt.
Is this just a dream?
Or is this my personal nightmare.
I dont know. I really want and need to find out.
Should i cut my hair? -.-
What are you thinking?
What do you think?
How do you feel.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Hiaz i just want to get myself straighted out and right.
Do i really "LOVE" you?
Ravey blogged @ 11/16/2008 06:11:00 PM
2 days and counting =x naw!
2 days ago that night i cycled to pasir ris chalet.
Aloha Loyang. ~
Hmm that place not bad x]
1st time I've been there.
Oh and while cycling there i accidentally used the wrong route -.-
Zzzz i accidentally used the highway -.-
WHICH I AM NOT SUPPOSED AND ALLOWED TO.
Fortunately i dint get caught or anything. =x
Nothing much to say at the chalet.
Just that it was quite boring =x
But still we managed to have some fun x]
Woke up the next day and had to work -.-
Hiaz. Cycled to Eunos -.-
And had to fix some stuff.
Got really dirty -.-
Oh wells as long as i get paid right? x]
And while working the metal foundation gave way -.-
Fortunately i managed to hold it off before it fell on my boss
Or else she might be in hospital now -.-
And cycled home -.- in the midst afternoon.
Hot and tiring -.-
Reached home my brother hogging the computer.
Decided to sleep
Sleep wake up at around 8+
He still hogging the computer.
Forget it lo
Slept my only off day away.
Wake up now to blog lol.
Hmm i think I'm forgetting to say alot of things.
But oh wells =/
Till another time.
Ravey blogged @ 11/16/2008 02:47:00 AM
Friday, November 14, 2008
Deep inside.
I'm crying.
Hard. It hurts. It really does.
Its like i dont mean anything to her at all.
And i know i dont and i probably wont.
Sighs. I'm just so friggin sad right now i dont even know why am i blogging this.
Feel like just typing her name out and just hopes she knows that i'm talking about her.
And thinking about her.
And just everything is about her.
But deep inside i just wish time passes by faster.
Maybe we're just meant to be dreams.
And nothing more.
*look at me.
Stare at me.
Look into these eyes.
They dont lie.
Would i lie?
Have i lied.
Why would I or should I ever lie to you.
I just miss and think about you all the time.
Dontcha know how much it hurts to know you dont care?
Or you just leave me out or behind?
I really wish i dont have any feelings for you.
So i wont be hurting so much inside now.
Ravey blogged @ 11/14/2008 05:47:00 PM
A day to remember. A(2) lesson learnt.
Lol I'm so friggin lazy.
I woke up on time
But fell asleep again.
Oh wells cant really be bothered. Caught the 2nd bus.
Reached work at 648.
Heya I'm still on time ya.
I hurriedly dressed and clocked in -.-
658. LAWLS. In time sia -.-
Than i "secretly" go eat.
Suay sia meet until gay boii =x
hahas but he still said go and eat.
So nice of him. =x As usual xDD
Work today was dam "rush"
Today got EVENT AT LIKE 8AM.
WTF?I reach work than i know de.
Yesterday i dint even get ready or prepare la.
Shit all last minute.
Rush like hell and somemore the midnight person sent out the wrong Dimsums.
So shit la -.- I ran out of almost everything.
Fortunately i had sufficient to last till breakfast over -.-
Afternoon i chionged my *mezza items
Mezza - buffet.
Wash the oysters, clams, do the fruits cheese, Dimsums.
Prepare for the idiot working tomorrow. Giving him all the info.
Oh and the new stupid F&B manager freaking cock up my mezza.
Change here change there.
Waste my time sia.
Today gay boii kana High current electric shock sia.
The whole kitchen tripped.
And he was semi paralysed for a few moments
Omg but he's still such a great guy.
Zzzz don't know what to do w/o him.
Still so responsible for the food he was preparing and me.
Sheesh. This word has so few good people like him.
He show me his girlfriend picture sia! OMG =X
So suai and pretty.
Zzzz -.- Hiaz. next time i must show him mine.
If that ever happens. LOL.
Managed to finish by 3.40pm today.
EVERYTHING DONE AND COMPLETED.
Now i'm home.
Thinking about whether my "date" will still be on or not =/
Saddening.. She seems rather depressed.
Should i call her? Don't know what to say also.
Hiaz. I'm such a stupid guy -.-
To nukun.
Heya i'm not angry with you anymores.
Just abit sian.
At least i visited my grands.
Sighs.
Life comes. Life goes.
Treasure life.
Today life showed me 2 things.
It can be gone in an instant when you don't look for a moment.
It'll be gone. Every second passing now.
Everything that has been done, is done.
There's no turning back.
No going back.
Nothing can change what has happened.
But what you do can change what that's going to happen.
treasure what you have.
If you've nothing to treasure.
Be happy with what you have?
But if you've nothing.
Live your life.
Make it "worth" living.
And protect those dear to you.
Ravey blogged @ 11/14/2008 05:16:00 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Unlucky? Or fated -.-
Today was a boring.
Supremely STUPID AND F -ed UP DAY.
1st of all
OF COURSE ITS WORK!.
Today got function.
Than work like siao.
2ndly
I could not get off early to deliver lunch to someone.
Okay never mind i msged her.
3rdly
I HAD TO STAY BACK TO PACK THE STUPID FRIDGE.
last minute.
4th of all
I was RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO MY WORDS
To leave work and deliver lunch.By searching for my boss and begging him to let me go
5thly.
I cycled all the way to my grands only to get nagged at her for being reckless and sweaty.
(i go visit her lei!)
6th
I got "ditched".For the 2nd time.
Okay and i'm not supposed to be pissed .
7th
I almost kana knock down by car
I'm probably abit agitated.
Sheesh all the trouble i take just to keep my "promises"
And yet people always take me so easily.
Forget it is it really meant to be?
Maybe next time. I wont even bother.
Waste my Time. Effort. Money.
Dammit i'm still feeling relatively pissed la.
Gtg chill.. Laters.But when i really think about it?
I've gotten by this day.
And thats all that really matters right?
Hopefully.
Oh and 1 more thing . Someone dint reply my message(s). SOBS.
Ravey blogged @ 11/13/2008 08:20:00 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Cant get my mind of her. *charmaine.
Zzzz dont know why i keep thinking about her.
-.-
Let my mind rest lei. Why you keep distrubing me.
Ahh den sommore dont wan reply my messages.
Make me think about you more.
Wah lau ><
Why must i have you in my head.
Get out LOL . =x
But than again.
Please dont leave my "side"
I want to feel as if someone is here.
Here with me.
Than again I'M BEING RETARDED WITH MY IMAGINATIONS.
Zzzz why must i always imagine things so realistically. -.-
Visions illusions dreams.
Zzzz irritating.
But sometimes its really nice.
If you were just my dream girl i'd sleep for ever.
But now you're realistic.
And infront of me.
I'm not going to be stupid and let go now will I?
x]
Ahh i cant wait.
I just cant wait.
Ravey blogged @ 11/12/2008 06:54:00 PM
A wish
If i had a wish.
I wish everyone would be happy.
I think?
If i had a personally wish.
I wish to be loved . =x
Hahas.
Actually its kinda weird when i think about it.
Its because my birthdays coming that's why =x LOLS x]
But than again.
She wont be able to celebrate it with me.
Oh wells. Never mind I'll just make a wish.
Just a quiet wish
Today at work was fun.
I was like EH NOTHING TO DO LEI.
Den gay boii was like
okay
you do this
Than you do that.
But in the afternoon OMG HAVOCK SIA.
But oh wells. i pulled it off.
Thanks to gay boii who backed me up with my fruits. x]
Looking forward to the weeks to come.
And I've a few things i need to do.
Sianzations.
hiaz. Time flys.
But yet passes so slowly
Why cant i just seem to get hold of the second that's passing right now.
Guess time waits for no one.
But hey. If love needs me to wait.
I'll give it all my time.
Ravey blogged @ 11/12/2008 04:21:00 PM
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
A date
I've asked alot of people out.
Hmmmm Okay la.
I've someone in my mind actually.
But i dont know what to do.
I'm so crazy i dont know what i'm thinking.
I dont even know what to do.
Shit man so what should i really do?
Hiaz.
Where to go.
Singapore so small.
Esplande, Cine, Dhoby?
Dont want the standard places lei.
I wanna be "unique" i mean hey come on man.
Its a "date" LEI.
Cant get my thoughts straight
Thought about Vivo. Hmm
Dint really think of that x]
But than again. What if she gets bored or something.
I dont know i just hope that we have a good time.
Its quite far away.
But yet i'm getting psyched up already.
What should i do.
I dont wish for nature to take its course?
May god guide me and lead to along the correct path.
I'm gonna sleep soon working tml as well.
Again.
But i'd probably be mesmerised by her. LOL.
Depression makes me really sleepy.
Thoughts of her make me happy.
Working gives me MONEY! lawls.
Alot of people quit NYDC le sia.
Hiaz so sad la.
Like i quit all follow quit.
But i know its not because of me lol.
Anyways its the system there la.
I know because i've already said so and told them
Only the took longer to realise.
At least they did.
I can see behind the lines.
Can you all see them too?
BUT I CANT SEE LOVE OR PEOPLES LOVE FEELINGS.
Darn i wish i could.
But than again sometimes its better not to know...
Ravey blogged @ 11/11/2008 09:38:00 PM
Eventually it all comes to an end. Happiness relms.
After a tiring day before i slept early at around 930.
Wells i woke up as usual at 530.
So happy to see vic's and lynn's encouraging messages.
Anyways those made my day at least for the morning.
Today at work i finish on time again .
Wahahah work is getting too easy.
I hope i can keep this up really.
I love gay boii la he's so nice x]
Funky and wacko, Funny as well.
Today i spammed my messages to alot of my friends.
Oh wells i got very favourable replies.
So i'm very happy today LOLS.
Yes i'm happy.
For once in a very long time.
I'm happy..
Ravey blogged @ 11/11/2008 07:34:00 PM
Monday, November 10, 2008
Impatient regrets.
Why am so impatient.
Why am i so foolish and sad now.
I dont know why am i feeling sooo depressed.
Maybe i always was.
Maybe i always will be.
But hopefully not.
Why do i always regret after making a decision.
Why dont i think straight.
But than again.
Maybe this is for the better in the long run.
Everyone has dreams but they dont have to accumplish them
Though they want to.
Still looking at her picture.
Why do i have to torment myself.
Faking happiness and bluffing myself.
Lies after lies.
*Do you ever think when you're all alone.
All that we could be.*
I no mood play game.
No mood do anything i'm turning in early.
NITES.
Ravey blogged @ 11/10/2008 09:18:00 PM
Letting go of the dream. Would i ever want to get it back?
I used to believe in love.
I used to believe that love can make everything seem right.
I believe that no matter what if i give everything i have.
And put in all my effort into the relationship i would have happy outcomes.
Naw. Its alright i know where to let go.
Today was a good day at work.
I finished all my work b4 lunch. Everything's done.
So happy.
I messaged someone today. I don't really care if she reads or don't read my blog anymore.
I don't care if she knows or don't know or anything now.
But she was the one who i thought i loved.
Maybe it was just my imagination?
Or maybe she's just supposed to be my dream lover.
Its alright deep inside i felt like crying.
But than again.
I feel so emotionless.
Yea its alright it does not matter at all does it?
Inside I've decided to give in and up without trying.
Because i don't any point or use in trying or doing so.
Its just me.
Love is not something I'll receive.
Its something i can only give.
Because i don't want to live in lies.
I don't wish to deceive anyone and myself.
Lets just face the facts.
But whats the fact if i dint ask her yet.
Either way there's no point really.
This way i wont hurt anyone or get hurt either.
Sometimes the best thing to do.
Is to let go.
Ravey blogged @ 11/10/2008 04:57:00 PM
Mentally ill? me? NAW!
Today sylvie talked to me about "mentally ill"
Rather lets say she had this english essay to write
And i decided to help her.
ErHEM and i'm not very good at that but than again its what i think and how i want to try to contribute that counts right? LOLS =X
Anyways mental people are those who are slow in the head.
I'm not slow in the head am i?
I think straight , walk straight , react to situations accordingly.
Though i can be rather stupid at times.
And emotional and totally F-ed up at times.
Yea i guess i'm normal.
So that means i'm depressed inside.
Probably because of fear i think?
After the break up with my ex.
And thinking if i'd lose someone so precious to me again.
That is what thats making me feel so sad.
Probably just the loneliness.
And no one here with me.
But this peace and quiet.
Its something that cant be replaced.
But its not something that's always enjoyed.
Time to sleep
SORRY SYLVIE dint help much =/
But thanks you for making me realise.
Ravey blogged @ 11/10/2008 12:09:00 AM
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Sunday ? Gone away.
For the record i dint talk to anyone today.
Except hilda for this morning which only lasted 3 lines.
And i slept my day away.
And played wc3 for a while and stoned.
Watched naruto and slept my afternoon and evening away.
Working tomorrow. Tuesdays Wednesday Thursday Friday and Sunday.
Sianzations.
When is this going to end.
Turmoil is alot of things are going on.
Financial problems .
New president from America.
The Bali bombers were executed.
And my English sucks -.-
I want to go back to school.
Improve myself instead of doing this shit.
People think that earning money and working is cool.
But its not cool.
Youngster have their goals and they need and want money.
They think working early to achieve their goals are sorta a good way.
But what would you do after you achieve ur materialistic goals?
And what would you do if you're working in a surrounding that you're all alone.
Living each day , Living it long and boring and just doing the same cycle under rules.
And under the high living standards of people of high "standards" or request.
People who are rich and have money.
Can buy anything they want live in "luxury"
But whats luxury to begin with a big house, nice looking things, fanciful cars.
When you go back home.
You see the 4 walls.
And you sit there.
Alone.
Wondering is this all my money can get me and buy me?
After working all day tiring myself out?
Its not cool.
You go to the bar alone.
Sit and buy a drink.
Waste money -.-
You go to orchard alone.
Walk down the street look at more materialistic things
Buy em and try to make urself happy
And probably distract yourself for a short period of time.
But the emptiness remains.
What we need in life?
"If i was emotionless."
"I would be nothing more than a tool."
But now i don't know is it desperation?
A dream, sadness, "love", or just being lost in no where.
You want something you try to achieve it.
You need something you do ur best to get it.
You have something you do your best to keep it.
You have more than something you appreciate it and don't abuse it.
You've nothing. You be happy with what you have.
Or at least try to?
* staring on into blank space *
But its something i want.
But its something i don't want to lose.
And its something i wont risk.
And its something that its not a decision of mine to make.
And its something that you never know if it would be gone tomorrow.
And she's something that.
makes me smile.
But she's probably something i'll never get.
Ravey blogged @ 11/09/2008 10:18:00 PM
Saturday, November 8, 2008
What if tomorrow never comes.
Today someone said this to me.
What if tomorrow never comes?
Than ?
I'LL JUST ENJOY TODAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN!
lolololololol.
but come to think of it.
What if everything is gone tomorrow.
Would you do what you wanna do most today?
Or would you just let it be and go.
I think i would just make a fool of myself.
And kill myself b4 tmr comes.
LOL
Arghs i don't know what am i saying or I've said.
But i just don't know what I'm thinking as well.
Is this really called "love"?
I don't know.
Ravey blogged @ 11/08/2008 07:29:00 PM
Friday, November 7, 2008
symptoms of confusion and god's will?
Is this a sign?
Is this a syndrome?
Or is this me that's crazy thinking over unrealistic things.
Okay so all these things happen for a reason.
So if what happens supposed to happen so it happens right?
So this morning i hit down a lucky charm and i tot my day will sure dam suay
But it was not lei.
Anyways today go work
SEE SCHEDULE
Actually wan quit by tml de.
But as i said WHAT IS GOING ON MAN is this a sign?!
THE WHOLE OF NEXT WEEK I DON'T HAVE TO SEE Christopher!
zomggesss
And I'll be working with GAY BOII!! LAWLS.
Okay so i wont quit.
Yet. that is.
Today i bought Gay boii coffee.
2 for 2.10 hehe x]
I so kia su hor go for cheap items.
Oh wells i bought 4 cans. So he could have a variety to choose from.
KNS sia. I finish drinking 3 cans he still half way done only.
Water tank eh? LOL.
So is this a sign?
Or is this god's doing?
God knows what I'm gonna do so he's telling me not to quit?
Indirectly?
I don't know ,really.
I want to call the girl i like i forget to bring my phone.
I want to quit he let the person i don't wanna see be away for 1 week.
I don't want to talk to my "boss" the boss super friendly with me
WTF?
SHEESH WHAT IS THIS MAN
Why is all the things that i expect to happen not happening and yet its like opposite?
Zzzzz Am i thinking to much? Or is this just reality?
Why is it like that sia -.-
So now what am i supposed to do?
Let nature take its course eh?
Somehow i believe that's quite true.
But is that really what I'm supposed to do?
Sighs what should i do than.
Ravey blogged @ 11/07/2008 05:34:00 PM
Thursday, November 6, 2008
let nature take its course
Went cycling again today.
Cycled to esplanade.
But this time i decided to take a break
Thinking of where to go.
I stoped at the water bay.
Looking at the trickling water flowing.
The waves.
Memories flooded me.
I'm a guy. A "man"
I must be strong and do the right thing.
Whats the right thing to do than?
Than again i decided to avoid the question as i don't want to be traumatised any further.
Than as i look on.
I thought back.
I promised.
I promised Belinda. I promised Zhiwei.
I Broke all my promises.
Not because i wanted to right?
Maybe i did.
But how much a choice or what is the better thing to do?
Belinda is overseas. And its probably better for me and her.
Though i know I've hurt her and probably myself.
Zhiwei just kept saying how much I've lied till i don't even know whats true
None the less i don't really care
Just memories that came to my mind.
Thought about the girl i like.
Felt like calling her.
But remembered i dint bring my phone.
My phone is like dead.
It does not ring.
It does not move.
Its more like my MP3.
Imagined that i called her.
SO and So. Heya just decided to drop you a call
You free?
Probably not. But hey spare me at least 2 mins k?
I know this'll sound stupid.
But since when have i ever spoken sense right?
Lol you can choose to ignore not to speak
Call me an idiot or just not talk to me anymore or something
But i just wanna tell you that i think about you all the time and i don't know why.
I don't even know whats love or how to love.
Whats right or wrong
What i should do and how should i do things.
I don't want to lie. But neither do i want people to worry or see me as weak.
Am i weak?Physically? Mentally? Emotionally?
haha this is probably going to take more than 2 mins of your time heh.
But.. Hiax. I just want to just say this out.
So no matter what happens. I know I've said my piece and i know after I've said this i probably wont think so much anymore
Fear of everything. Fear of having no one there.
I'd probably get used to it.
I think i already have.
But still i want you to know.
Someone thinks about you. Someone cares about you.
Someone wants to be there for you.
And probably love you.
But that someone is so stupid he'd probably hurt you.
Make you feel stupid
Or probably waste your time than you could spend with someone much better.
Hahaha. I feel so miserable now. So stupid. Maybe because i am.
Right? hahahs.
Okay ba you go back study all the best for your O levels. That's all i wanna say.
*and just hang* b4 she can even reply.
Knowing if i did that
She wont even send me a msg or anything
But I'd feel like a total idiot.
Am i really gonna do it?
Time'll tell.
Working tml .
Gonna game. Gonna bathe.
Gonna relax and waste my time.
Till than I'll be thinking of you.
And emo-ing in the dark.
Wondering why must it be this way.
If its meant to be let it be.
"let nature take its course"
Ravey blogged @ 11/06/2008 07:07:00 PM
thursday morning.
Arghs i'm so tired i forgot to post yesterday .
Lol. Oh wells.
Went to see my grands. She keep talkin about wanting to die.
I dint really blame her.
Though i really cant bear to see her go.
Grandpa is dead and she's in pain.
Probably physically and emotionally.
I know how that feels.
Arghs don't care la just make sure she lives happily for now.
Happily.. How do i achieve that.
Its so early now la.
Don't know why i wake up so early for -.-
Just cant sleep -.-
Stupidity.
Sister go malaysia.
Brother going chalet.
Okay i'm all alone again.
Does not matter if they're around to begin with is there?
Today i wanna call MINDEF.
Must find the stupid number.
Lets get this over and done with.
Ravey blogged @ 11/06/2008 07:35:00 AM
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
whats the meaning of love
Decided to post this another yet repeating emo post.
Love. I love you but do you love me?
Whats love? I cant stop thinking about you?
I dream of you?
I think of you?
I care for you?
Naw i don't know whats love already lol.
Even if i did put you more important than myself.
Is that really considered love?
I'm there for you.
I'll be here with you.
I'll support you no matter what.
Even if you're wrong I'll still be by your side.
Even if everything is lost would you stand by me?
Thinking about people now adays.
Words don't mean anything really.
Action speak louder than words.
"I love you" how to show in action? -.- Besides THAT.
How to love than?
Financial crisis
Time restriction.
Stress.
Peer pressure.
Family.
Children?
All the things in the far run.
How much are you ready to give in?
How much to give up
Is doing that love?
Or just acts of love?
Arghs i want to love but i don't even know what love is
So how can i use a word i don't understand?
So what should i say about myself?
Depressed? Obsessed?
hahah how about CRAZY.
Most slightly lols.
Ravey blogged @ 11/04/2008 11:58:00 PM
another year ending
Its kinda amazing how i passed this year.
Its like so fast..
3 months with my 1st gf.
3 months getting over her.
and now already gotten over her but still having alot of memories and flashback
Probably that's the cause of my Serious STM now.
All the memories that are just pinning down my braincells with countless of thoughts of why.
Questions and questions.
Today felt like quitting straight while being "lectured"
I don't care already la i gonna tell them i work till this sat last day.
Enough i don't wanna do this anymore. -.- Though i really wish to cont.
And i want the income too.
Today the 2nd highest chef talked to me.
Overall highest chef.
Talking as if he knows me.
What rich family etc?
Than saying that its all my choice
Yea right. You can have the best of the best.
But is the best yours?
Its not mine.
Its my parents.
So how can you say that its mine.
Parents give me pocket money?
EXCUSE ME? I've been earning my own dough since like i left sec school?!
All the things i bought myself.
Everything i have is all i hardworking-ly worked to buy.
And they think my parents supported me with them?
Or they came from Santa?
Never mind i lazy argue with him.
I at work also dam sian one.
Lazy to talk even.
Everyone see me don't want talk to me also LOL
But that's a good thing.
Low profile eh?
Ended work at 430 cas of some crap and tml got 99% occupancy rate.
Zzzz HENG I OFF =X x]
Went shopping after work.
But could not find what i want.
Saw a few young girls around LOL of course its orchard.
Silly me.
Like never see girls b4 -.-
Deprived LOL.
Wanted to buy something to eat.
But decided to save and diet.
Hiaz what am i doing sia.
I feel so stoned and emotionless.
Heartless. I don't care anymore.
I occasionally look at her picture.
And smile in my heart.
But i know I'm just lying to myself.
Who am i kidding.
The person i want to see is you.
The person i wanna be with is you.
The person i dream of is you also.
Why do you have to be there wherever i go except in my physical daily life.
Even if you were.
Than what?
As if there would be a difference?
maybe?
hopefully?
potentially?
Dreamingly.
Ravey blogged @ 11/04/2008 06:57:00 PM
Monday, November 3, 2008
pillar of support.
Today finish work way early so happy xDD
Cut the crap but this morning was hell for me.
Why does everyone just LOVEE BLAMING ME?
I dont know why i'm just like a target.
People ask me for help, directions etc instead of others.
Sommore i dress until those like unfriendly person.
But they still ask me instead of everyone else
Even when i'm blasting my music la. -.-
Why me -.- Zzzz maybe they can see this "presence" in me?
LOLOLOL okay nvm just laming.
But why sia why always me.
Today thought about something about being given a choice, Predestined
Whatever i forgot already. Lets forget what i said.
OH and i read chesed blog.
Its dam funny in terms of the words she use LOLOL
Dint really like read just browse through ._.
Hahahs i so no life.
Than i came home dont know what i did but i'm still here sitting infront of the computer doing nuts.
And yes today i am very happy yet sad yet emotionless.
Is this the way i was or supposed to be?
Maybe its better this way.
I miss her
I really do.
But i dont even know why.
Can i please not have any emotions for you?
I dont wanna love.
Maybe.
Unless you feel for me too.
Ravey blogged @ 11/03/2008 08:08:00 PM
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Another night out. And my 3rd psp gone.
Yesterday went to work.
Finished at around 3++ den slacked.
As in totally SLACK AT WORK.
So cool =x
Oh and i lost my friggin PSP
Someone stole it.But somehow i don't really care.
That goes to show how "desperate" and greedy older people can be as well.
Not like i dint expect it to happen
But just that. Hey what the we're supposed to help and trust each other?
Guess i cant even do that.
Lol getting from bad to worse.
Nvr mind lar i also dint really fancy the psp to begin with -.-
Just another lesson learnt.
Anyways. Yesterday was borrinng ended at 5.
Met Leslie at around 6+
Went to Funan to buy some computer stuff =x
Spent around 170 there. GO to Long john cas that idiot come out from NS wan eat.
Fine anything lo. Go there sit slack talk.
Than go lan. Lan "as usual" IS SO FRIGGIN EXPENSIVE LA.
But the gaming experience there was boring and sleepy.
Maybe cas no one want play with us =/
And so long never go liao they still REMEMBER ME .
LOLOLOLOLOL they said i was pro =.=
KNS -.-
Reached home at around 7+ wanted to bathe but than.
I laid on the bed. And slept LOL. DARN.
Woke at around 11 or 12 i don't rememberrr!!
Does not matter does it?
Today is going to be slack tml i'm gonna be working.
Arghs so frustrating. Life is just so ...
Ridiculous.
OH AND 1 MORE THING
Happy birthday Leslie
You owe me 109 dollars ^^
Ravey blogged @ 11/02/2008 12:39:00 PM