Sunday, October 19, 2008
Emotic.Loneliness.
Its kinda dumb.
To know and not to know.
To care and not to care.
To think and not to think.
To do what i want or follow how i feel.
Do you ever think when you're all alone.
Are you holding back like the way i do.
Ahh lols its not possible she wont even think about me.
I'm so bored and lonely.
This emptiness only i can fill
Looking back i think I've missed out on alot.
And i know. Its foolish. But somehow even as i go on now.
Its still not possible for me to change it.
I don't know why.. Its not pride or being scared.
Its un certainty.
Actually I'm fearing ain't it?
Why cant i just be "normal"
I want to go to school study and make friends and have fun.
But now I'm like watching people go to school while i sit at the bus stop going to work.
Or back.
When's my army going to start. I WANNA GET IT OVER WITH.
I really want to move along.
But somehow I'm like stuck between what i wanna do and what i have to do.
I've to be responsible but give up my wants.
O levels starting tomorrow.
All the best to all O level students.
Arghs I'm just so sick.
Mentally ill.But yet i don't want people to know or care.
I'm easily satisfied. But yet getting just someone to be there for you.
Is so hard already.
I'm emotional -.- Overly emotional.
And being alone.. With no help no one there makes it feel worse.
Have you ever been really alone when you've no one there for you.
You look on and you just don't feel like raising your head to see people.
You just wished that you could be with your friends or family?
I really don't know ...
Yesterday at the chalet..
I wanted to sleep. Had so many problems.
Memories are just so.There.
I mean its alright I'm getting over them
But now..
Even now being alone is whats that's hitting me hardest.
Even being around people
I'm still like an outcast.
I've goals i want to achieve.
But yet unable to achieve them is what that demoralises me.
And being stuck is even worse.
Looking back few days back
Vic said i was strong and "cool"
Its like gathering broken pieces of things and just shuff-ing it into a box.
And wrapping it up. Than you stand on it hoping it would be stable.
When you shake you can feel it giving way.
But you hold on and just endure.
That pain of endurance
Just feel like pieces of glasses pressing against you.
And just like you want to explode
But even as you explode
Its like nothing changes.
Still where you stood, Still stuck there.
Because reality is such.
You cant get away from it.
Sometimes i just look at people.
Those who are going to school and think
Do they really know how fortunate they are?
Ravey blogged @ 10/19/2008 08:50:00 PM