Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Memories.Christmas draws near
Today was a "meaningful" day.
I had quite alot of things running through my head to process.
But somehow i feel as though my mind is thinking slower.
And not as "smart" as i used to be.
Since when was i smart to begin with.
Ahhh the girl that I'm working with is a beauty.
But than again. I DON'T FRIGGIN CARE K! So stop trying to give me that stupid look.
It wont change anything -.- I don't give a dam! And I'm not gay ! LOL.
Work was pretty fine. Tomorrow got quite a few things to do.
Prepare for the guy working for me xD
hahas i quite bad sia push the hard days to someone "new"
Oh wells guess the world has its own evil side =x
I mean me xD
Cycled to visit my grands.
She's 80+ and always talking about dying and moving on.
She just wants to pass time.
But passing time alone, and in pain.
Hiaz how to help her?
I also don't know. I cant help her heart.
That's trapped in darkness knowing her own children.
Actually just maybe 2 of them ARE TOTALLY SCREWING UP their own lives.
Worrying if they'll divorce etc.
Yea she's talking about my family etc.
But i don't friggin really care.
But than again i do abit.
I only can put a positive face and tell her that everything fine and make her feel better?
I don't know how to deceive my own grandmother la.
After all the things..
She was the one to bring me up.
To protect me
To instill all the "good points"
The goodness i am today in me.
She was the one who scared me with all those real things happening.
And just keeps worrying all day.
Worry wart. But i really appreciate it.
If 1 day she was to die.
I don't know should i be happy that she wont have to suffer.
Or be sad to lose my dearest grandmother.
I'm just going to say that I'm very grateful for everything she's done.
And I'll spend my free time going to visit her x]
Slacking now.
Sianzations i don't know what to do.
I need to sleep soon but I'm waiting for Charmaine to tell me when i can call her.
Hiaz. I mean what i say and i wont back out on my words.
That's what i believe a man should be.
Protective. Decisive. "Productive". A person who can make his loved one and family happy and be someone everyone can rely on.
I don't know .. I don't think i can hahas. Maybe I'll remain a kid.
If only i could.
Time passes by so fast. In a blink its the end of this year already.
I'm thinking about my ex.
We met somewhere in late November.
Got closer in December.
I remember church carols.
I remember alot of things suddenly.
Flashbacks.
I remember Sylvie. I remember the times I've been dedicating myself to love them.
But getting screwed by them none the less.
I'm lonely. I'm bored.
And I'm getting used to it.
A family ... I wonder whats it like to be a father..
Ravey blogged @ 12/09/2008 08:56:00 PM