Thursday, February 11, 2010
Crap Its always like this. Always has been like that.
I can say. I can see. But i can never bring myself to do what i know.
Okay i give up.
Maybe. Hopefully. This time for good.
I only can be happy for her cant I?
She's loved.
I'm not necessary. She has everything she needs.
Its the thought that counts. But is my thought necessary?
Nahs it does not matter though.
I know where i stand.
I cant put false hope thinking that love will prevail or something.
I've limits. Somehow. I've reached it already.
I'm sad. Yet happy. I'm learning to let go.
I do like her. I wont deny that. But then..
I cant. I'm not good enough. I cant bring myself to get her.
She's much more capable then i am.
No this is not self pity or denial.
Honestly . If i were to be the one that was in her life.
Would it really be the right thing? Or the best thing for her.
Definitely not. I dont know how to put it across.
Anyways. Army? I'm currently down pes-ed.
Pes C9 L2 Wth. And i dint even know.
I'm not afraid to lose my life.
I'm not afriad to do stupid things.
I'm not afraid because i feel that eventually all my goals are nearing the end.
With none in sight. And my track is ending. Turning around to find another forest.
its like a trap.
I wanna do many things. "great" things. But within my capability its not possible.
I'm not living the life of someone . I'm not the same as you.
I'll never let anyone take advantage. I'll help those who are in need.
But most of all. I'll never fail to remember that you're a great person.
1 in the million that i would love to have. But best to let you find better.
Striving for perfection is not what i do.
Looking at scenarios and analyzing whats best.
I'm not the best.
I just wanna be of proper good use and be "normal"
Sighs. 11 months through army. And i've come to realize.
That what i really want. Is not within my reach.
Its time to start from the basics again.
And maybe. That day will come.
I'll not stop trying. I'll not say its contradictory.
But I'll not fail to give chance after chance. If there's hope.
I'm the great expectations of others.
And i wont let them down.
Ravey blogged @ 2/11/2010 03:43:00 PM